Proposition 2: We will not be defined by it

I've heard several friends use words "gloomy" and "dark" today; the day after Texas voters approved Proposition 2. This constitutional amendment not only bans gay marriage, but also the legal recognition of civil unions as well as any other emotional affiliation that could closely resemble marriage. It’s thorough. So thorough and invasive in fact, that future generations who are more keenly aware of what it means to embrace rather than discriminate, will no doubt repeal it. It is a dark day. But it will not define us.

At the time the election results began scrolling across the bottom of the television screen and we learned the gay marriage ban had passed, Angela and I happened to be watching Commander in Chief, with Geena Davis acting as the first female President of the United States. The show is deliciously futuristic not with spaceships and cars that fly, but with revolutionary politics and progressive ideas about what to do with power. Some say we’ll never have a female president. I say it’s possible, and where there is possibility there is hope. There’s nothing wrong with having a male president of course, but I’m a big fan of breakthrough ideas and never-been-done-before scenarios. We may not see a female president in our lifetime. And we may not see a gay rights overhaul in our lifetime. But it is possible. And where there is possibility there is hope.

As we were watching the Commander in Chief and the election results began to scroll across the bottom of the screen, it became impossible not to notice the stark contrast. Even though the show is fiction, the idea that a woman can be president is empowering and brings with it the realization that the status quo will not remain forever. The decisions that this fictional president makes seem to be based not upon money, power, and influence, but upon truth and heart. That’s refreshing. But the moment we were jerked back to reality by the election results, we were reminded that truth and heart don’t always win out, and that money, power, and influence often dictate our freedoms; or the lack thereof. In the United States currently, the ones who think they have life, love, and God all figured out also have the greatest span of political influence. This leaves the rest of us who disagree in the margins and with the minority voice, but it does not mean we cannot continue to be empowered. The power must come from within.

Laws that enshrine discrimination into historical documents are always disheartening, but we don’t have to become emotionally defined by them. After learning that Texas would be one of many states to impose a constitutional ban on gay marriage, it was my first reaction to internalize the judgment and discrimination, and feel like I was a lesser citizen than my hetersexual counterparts and that my relationship was somehow less important. I felt like I lost something in the election. So I asked Angela, “Do you love me any less?” She said no.

There is power in that. Of course it doesn’t change the fact that we will not be able to legally marry in Texas until some time after the amendment is repealed and the ban is lifted. Are we and all other committed homosexual couples deserving of equal rights? Absolutely. But we shouldn’t feel like our lives are less significant if we don’t have them. The glass of wine on a nice, quiet evening at home still tastes good, God continues to bless us, and the love we share continues to grow as time passes and as we grow closer to God. No one can touch our love or our faith. That’s really what it boils down to. Do we have enough faith to allow ourselves to seek God and have constant peace, no matter what the circumstances?

I’m not suggesting that we shouldn’t be angry about the outcome of elections that attempt to protect and defend “family values” and keep those of us who are arbitrarily deemed “family value-less” contained. But we don’t have to allow external judgment to cause us to judge ourselves. We all know we possess family values. We just don’t look like the Norman Rockwell images of family that the Christian Right tries to perpetuate. Frankly, those types of images are utopian and unrealistic. Yet it seems that Christians are supposed to believe that those who possess true “family values” will happily subscribe to the idea that this type of “golly gee” setting exists, and that it is something both desirable and attainable. Same gender couples can create healthy family environments just as easily as heterosexual couples can, regardless of the rights we are afforded (or denied for that matter). And as we continue to create these types of environments despite the obstacles, we will become increasingly identified by the positive effects of our love—our children, our homes, our pets, our joy—and not simply by whatever misunderstood sexual images may have attached themselves to us. Discriminatory sentiments do not last forever. As Bishop John Shelby Spong said, they eventually die of their own irrelevency.

Marriage is a Christian celebration which spiritually joins two people and their lives. More importantly, a marriage ceremony allows these two people to stand on holy ground before God, and to vow to love and honor one another during every moment of each day. We can stand on this holy ground and recite vows to one another without the legal document that would grant us the ensuing civil rights. Would our lives be enhanced by these rights? Yes. Do they make our commitment before God any less valid? No. God is bigger than courthouse documents.

Angela and I made our vows, exchanged rings, and became wed at Cathedral of Hope in Dallas, Texas, and by doing so we entered into a covenant relationship with God. Having a covenant relationship is what’s important. A covenant is an agreement that becomes binding on all parties, and a promise that deepens the significance of the relationship and makes it more valuable than all the other relationships in your life. We cannot take a covenant relationship lightly. God does not take my covenant relationship with Angela lightly. God continues to demand excellence of us—trust, honor, courage, truth, servitude, respect, and love—and we try our best to respond with just that, individually and as a couple. It’s a human thing to cheapen a relationship because it is homosexual. Texas is now among the states who have attempted to cheapen thousands of healthy relationships, but it won't succeed.

There is so much to say on this subject. But for now, I'm going to take it to God in prayer and do my best to grow closer to God each day despite the outside attempts to create distance between my Creator and me. Conservatives who supported the gay marriage ban can claim victory in God's name all they want, and it will not change my relationship with God or my belief God loves me exactly as I am and wishes no harm, judgment, or discrimination. I'm frustrated with the outcome of yesterday's vote, but I'm not going to be defined by that frustration or by any deparate pleas to be accepted by the Christian Right. They are not a part of my relationship with God and they don't have the power to affect my sense of self-worth. Thank God.

Let's continue to be defined by grace, love, and goodness. Besides, God is ultimately concerned with the state of our hearts, not with the state of our filing cabinets and folders marked "legal documents." We certainly deserve equal rights. But when society fails us, God upholds us. If our hearts are one with God, a greater power defines us.