Maintaining High Faith-Esteem

It's nice when others approve of us. It feels good. It validates us, and makes us feel as if we are little flashes of silver in a collection of things that are otherwise dull and tarnished. We feel special. But as that approval wanes or departs from us altogether (and it nearly always does), how can we keep from feeling equally unplugged and inferior?

Several months ago I met someone with whom I immediately connected. It was one of those friendships in which we just clicked and found it extremely easy to jump into conversations about the topics that were important to us. She was admittedly struggling to reconcile homosexuality with Christianity at the time, so many of our conversations were centered around the ways in which God had worked in each of our lives to that point. Although she was the one seeking advice from me, I found myself learning from her equally. I was intrigued, perhaps at least partially because she held my opinion in such high esteem. She wholly approved of me, and I became caught up in the affirmation.

Over the past couple of months our relationship has detiorated, for reasons too numerous to name here. Perhaps God is showing us all the negative things that can happen once our involvement in a relationship becomes egocentric, or when we become more focused upon the available proceeds than we are upon effectively donating to the relationship. There is a huge payoff when someone enthusiastically approves of us and that becomes addictive, but there is certain wisdom in keeping the euphoria at arm's length so the quest for it does not become habitual. Although it never feels good to unplug from a source of emotional stimulation, doing exactly that is often the smartest thing to do. If for no other reason, it vividly demonstrates to us that our intrinsic value exists independently of our relationships with others. It forces us to see that God is the one who sustains us.

This is especially important for us as gay Christians. Homosexuals face plenty of knee-jerk judgment without even professing faith, so proclaiming that we are Christians often produces critiques that are much more harsh and commanding. There are some who will approve of our sexuality and some who will approve of our faith, but finding someone who approves of both is a much more daunting task. Still, our worth exists. Our value is inherent in God, made possible through Jesus Christ, and disclosed by the Spirit whose breath rises and falls within us. This is the steadiness that carries us through life. Another person's expectations for us, her interest in us, and her ability to love us might rise and fall as we go through life, but God is not so inconsistent.

I'm still learning to fully embrace this unconditional acceptance and faith-esteem, but as I make the concerted effort, I'm noticing that life becomes a whole lot more peaceful and satisfying. What a comfort to know that our worth does not come from the outside, but instead from the inside. And this is where the most powerful force in the universe resides. This is the little flash of silver that no other person can tarnish. And wisdom and maturity help us allow it to shine.