The Importance of Community
Angela and I used to be somewhat isolated. We maintained relationships with a few good friends, but other than an occasional evening out with them we pretty much kept to ourselves. We were very happy this way because we were each other's favorite person and the growth of our own relationship excited us more than anything outside the relationship could, but at the same time we knew we had the capacity to reach beyond ourselves and develop better relationships with those around us. We moved to Dallas in the fall of 2001, and since then we have seen a dramatic increase in the size of our community.
When we lived in Austin we tried out several different churches before settling on the one that made us feel the most fully loved and accepted. There were many churches that we could have become involved in, but none of them seemed to fully embrace us as a couple and that limited the amount of passion and emotion that we were able to contribute. When we finally did settle on a church and begin attending regularly we enjoyed the feeling of semi-permanence, and this allowed us to become more consciously generous with our time, money, and emotions. We began giving to the church more freely, and our relationship with the church and the people in it began to grow. But the more we attended the more we realized we didn't line up with it theologically as much as we initially thought. This raised a red flag and caused us to lose interest and begin to withdraw again. There weren't just a few statements that we disagreed with in a sermon. There were some major ideological differences. It turned out that we moved to Dallas just a few months later so God had something different in store, but it was disappointing to have found a gay Christian oasis in the middle of a blood red state like Texas, only to become disheartened as the roots of its nearly paganistic approach were revealed. So much about community depends upon where we happen to be spiritually at the moment.
We started attending Cathedral of Hope in Dallas in the spring of 2002 and became members shortly after that, but for the first couple of years we snuck in and out without interacting much and without investing more than we had to. We took a lot from each sermon, but we gave very little back to the church. Perhaps we were apprehensive because of our Austin experience. Or perhaps we were just selfish. But as we began to make friends and renew our efforts to become more generous, grace-filled, Christians the community that we had been seeking sudddenly sprung up around us. We became invovled with 20Something. We became acquainted with church leaders. We made dozens of new friends. We happened to identify with much of what this church believed in so we were on the same spiritual wavelength, but we had also become mature enough to forget ourselves for a minute and to become more concerned with energy that would flow through us if we let it. It's true; you reap what you sow.
As gay Christians, when we finally do find a community where we feel like we belong, it's especially important to nurture the connection so it doesn't become lost in the spiritual shuffle. Our communities aren't exclusively gay of course, but shared understanding is a more rare find when arguments about our validity still circulate, and therefore it becomes even more important to remain active in the associations that we do have.
I looked around the room at the group of friends gathered at our house Saturday night and I realized that most of them had just come into our life within the past year. Yet I feel like I have known them for a decade or more. I shouldn't be surprised because God is capable of amazing things when we open ourselves up to the possiblities. I'm continually humbled by the manifestation of that in my life and I don't know why I continue to insist on re-learning that lesson. The spiritual connection among friends can grow in a hurry if you properly nurture it, and this connection inspires us, it keeps us accountable, and it affirms our relationships. All of that combined makes us more eager to increase our contributions. The exponential growth is evidence of the kind of energy and fortitude that God can unleash if we take a step of faith, and become at least a little more outwardly focused.
Angela and I still enjoy each other's company immensely, but we have found a balance between quality time alone and quality time with our family of choice. We're excited now about things both inside and outside our relationship, and those things working in tandem keep us constantly renewed and at the ready in case God needs us for something more than we are currently aware of. And we will know of others to enlist as we move forward. I don't think the value of community can ever be overemphasized.
When we lived in Austin we tried out several different churches before settling on the one that made us feel the most fully loved and accepted. There were many churches that we could have become involved in, but none of them seemed to fully embrace us as a couple and that limited the amount of passion and emotion that we were able to contribute. When we finally did settle on a church and begin attending regularly we enjoyed the feeling of semi-permanence, and this allowed us to become more consciously generous with our time, money, and emotions. We began giving to the church more freely, and our relationship with the church and the people in it began to grow. But the more we attended the more we realized we didn't line up with it theologically as much as we initially thought. This raised a red flag and caused us to lose interest and begin to withdraw again. There weren't just a few statements that we disagreed with in a sermon. There were some major ideological differences. It turned out that we moved to Dallas just a few months later so God had something different in store, but it was disappointing to have found a gay Christian oasis in the middle of a blood red state like Texas, only to become disheartened as the roots of its nearly paganistic approach were revealed. So much about community depends upon where we happen to be spiritually at the moment.
We started attending Cathedral of Hope in Dallas in the spring of 2002 and became members shortly after that, but for the first couple of years we snuck in and out without interacting much and without investing more than we had to. We took a lot from each sermon, but we gave very little back to the church. Perhaps we were apprehensive because of our Austin experience. Or perhaps we were just selfish. But as we began to make friends and renew our efforts to become more generous, grace-filled, Christians the community that we had been seeking sudddenly sprung up around us. We became invovled with 20Something. We became acquainted with church leaders. We made dozens of new friends. We happened to identify with much of what this church believed in so we were on the same spiritual wavelength, but we had also become mature enough to forget ourselves for a minute and to become more concerned with energy that would flow through us if we let it. It's true; you reap what you sow.
As gay Christians, when we finally do find a community where we feel like we belong, it's especially important to nurture the connection so it doesn't become lost in the spiritual shuffle. Our communities aren't exclusively gay of course, but shared understanding is a more rare find when arguments about our validity still circulate, and therefore it becomes even more important to remain active in the associations that we do have.
I looked around the room at the group of friends gathered at our house Saturday night and I realized that most of them had just come into our life within the past year. Yet I feel like I have known them for a decade or more. I shouldn't be surprised because God is capable of amazing things when we open ourselves up to the possiblities. I'm continually humbled by the manifestation of that in my life and I don't know why I continue to insist on re-learning that lesson. The spiritual connection among friends can grow in a hurry if you properly nurture it, and this connection inspires us, it keeps us accountable, and it affirms our relationships. All of that combined makes us more eager to increase our contributions. The exponential growth is evidence of the kind of energy and fortitude that God can unleash if we take a step of faith, and become at least a little more outwardly focused.
Angela and I still enjoy each other's company immensely, but we have found a balance between quality time alone and quality time with our family of choice. We're excited now about things both inside and outside our relationship, and those things working in tandem keep us constantly renewed and at the ready in case God needs us for something more than we are currently aware of. And we will know of others to enlist as we move forward. I don't think the value of community can ever be overemphasized.
posted by Jen Austin at 3:51 PM
1 Comments:
You're right. Having a community is really important. The more you give to other people, the more that community develops. I'm glad you have such a strong community of friends in Dallas. I'm also glad you don't take it for granted. It's hard to be outwardly focused sometimes. But, it's the most unselfish thing to do. I like how when we give of ourselves, God makes sure we are blessed. He takes care of us. When we try to meet our own needs, they are either met in the wrong ways or not met at all. This leaves us more empty than when we began. I guess my point is that if we all focus on God and on other people, life will be a lot better...and communities a lot stronger.
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