NBC Special: In God They Trust

Last night on NBC in an in-depth report on the rise of evangelism, Tom Brokaw reported that there are 70 million evangelical Christians in the United States and illustrated how rapidly the movement is sweeping the nation. The number of non-denominational mega churches has tripled in the last decade, and there has been a noticeable increase in their political involvement, especially in the areas of abortion and gay rights.

Evangelical Christians generally believe the Bible is the word of God, that salvation occurs through Jesus Christ, and that Christians should spread the gospel. It's hard to take issue with any of these premises. But the way evangelicals are using their spiritual beliefs to change the political landscape of the country is utterly disturbing, and so narrowly focused that anyone who doesn't share their view becomes ostracized.

In this NBC special, evangelicals insisted that they are not political. While their attitudes and actions are decisively political, they believe that they are simply people of faith responding to the goodness of scripture and doing their best to hold Americans to a higher moral standard. They see nothing wrong with edging out opposing views--those views which they consider to be misguided or morally incorrect--and this has major political ramifications. Their intentions are good. They're doing it because they love God, and it's great that they have discovered that God can have such a profound impact upon their everyday lives. But they don't seem to recognize that God is also able to work in ways that are unfamiliar to them. I don't consider the path that they have chosen to be wrong. It's what works for them. I just wish they would give me the same courtesy. Evangelicals may not be part of a full-blown religious crusade, but their desire for everyone to experience God as they do is stifling, and it leads to public policy that favors a very narrow portion of society.

Conservative Christians approach politics with a certainty that they know God's will. One product of that is the general attitude that standards in our culture are eroding and sin is encroaching on our society at an alarming rate. This is a fear-based attitude. It's as if they are America's watchdogs and when they sense danger they must warn the country of a full-on attack. They call for all "Bible-believing Christians" to stand up for what is right, yet their definition of what exactly a "Bible-believing Christian" is, is so narrow that it excludes a good portion of God's family; namely the liberals. The phrase "gay Christian" is certainly not in their vocabulary or understanding.

There are thousands of gay Christians in the world who have reconciled faith and sexuality and quietly own their faith on a daily basis, and therefore the narrowness of the evangelicals has very little power over them. But there are other gay men and lesbians out there who have not yet grown past judgment and homophobia, and who can become severely damaged when they hear rhetoric like this from evangelicals. This is why the scope of the evangelical influence must be balanced out. Even though evangelicals seem certain of it, they do not own Christian thought, and they should not be given the national podium without equilibrium. There is another side to the story and we must do our best to represent that truth.

One conservative pastor uttered a phrase on the NBC special that made me laugh out loud in disbelief. He said in mid-sermon, "I will raise my voice against America's tortured and angry homosexuals." He obvoiusly doesn't know me, or any of the thousands of other gay Christians in the United States. "Tortured" and "angry" are hardly adjectives that can be used to describe us. I would probably insert contemplative, loving, and healing. We are finding love and peace despite the obstacles, and as we do we are healing from the effects of this type of judgment and homophobia.

Pastor Ted Haggard, President of the National Association of Evangelicals and the pastor of New Life Church in Colorado Springs, had the most soundbites sprinkled throughout the special. At one point he said he thinks evangelicals are as diverse as the American population, which hardly seems to be the case. Although I would venture to guess there are a few homosexuals among evangelical Christians, they are certainly not widely accepted or validated as gay Christians. Our society is a diverse mix of Christians, Jews, Bhuddists, Hindus, atheists, and others, so a group of evangelical Christians by its very nature would not reflect this diversity. And it goes without saying that evangelicals would consider the homosexual population to be a fringe group not integral to society. This is hardly an accurate reflection.

When he was asked whether or not evangelical Christians were moving toward a religious takeover of moral thought, Pastor Haggard said of evangelical Christians, "We're defenders of freedom and liberty for all. We're interested in electing the proper judges and leaders because we believe we are right, but so do the other groups. It's a wonderful country." Evangelical Christians are not defenders of freedom and liberty for all. They are defenders of freedom and liberty for those who believe as they do.

It's funny, but in some respects I would be more comfortable with a powerful group of agnostics than with a powerful group of Christians. Although I find truth in Christianity, agnostics tend to grant people the freedom to be who they are, and they don't seem expect others to define morality as they do. They are more tolerant of differences and they are willing to change their mind as they grow and discover new knowledge. Shouldn't this type of attitude define Christians as well? Shouldn't we have enough faith in God to allow others the freedom to discover God in ways that are different from our own? And shouldn't we be willing to re-examine our own beliefs as we grow closer to God?

Evangelical Christians have a powerful voice and they outnumber most special interest groups within Christianity, but they are not representative of all Christians. "In God they trust" is not in question. But their attitude of moral superiority leaves little room for the rest of us, and this is what we must challenge. The landscape can change. And it will as we claim our faith with more energy and with deeper conviction. In God we trust.

Quick thought about Sheryl Swoopes

Sheryl Swoopes did an interview with Cold Pizza on ESPN this morning to discuss her official coming out, and she seemed genuinely relieved that the burden of staying in the closet had lifted. It was inspiring to see that she had discovered such profound peace. She wore a solid black shirt that prominently displayed a large silver cross, which made me realize how important it is just to be who we are on a consistent basis. We don't need to wait for permission to be both gay and Christian, and we shouldn't worry about how we will be perceived in the eyes of the world. We can just quietly own who we are.

Sheryl Swoopes didn't mention her faith or what the cross meant to her--at least in the portion of the interview that I saw--but she did claim her faith with her presence and with her decision to pursue truth in the face of judgment. Now I'm an even bigger fan.

20Something 10-26-05

Last night's 20Something study on the 3rd Beatitude is posted here. If it's not on the front page it will be in the October archives.

http://coh20something.blogspot.com

Meek is not a word we use every day, but it's used powerfully in Matthew 5. It's good to know that meek is not weak. :-)

Rosa Parks: 1913-2005

When I studied Rosa Parks in eighth grade American history class, I remember feeling awed by her patience and conviction. She was the calm in the middle of a storm the day she refused to give up her seat to a white man on a bus in Alabama in 1955, and this quick act of defiance ended up touching off one of the largest civil rights movements in recent history. She has been called "the mother of the new civil rights movement" and "a real apostle of the nonviolence movement." She was too quiet and serene to think about raising her own voice in anger or haste, yet her voice was so powerful it carried further than she could have ever imagined. One person committed to peace can change the world.

By her action, Rosa Parks spoke for every person who has ever been relegated to the margins. She didn't violently demand that she be granted equal rights. She didn't ask to be enthusiastically embraced. She simply asked for the space that she needed to exist peacefully, and for the understanding that she was of more worth than others in the community had given her credit for. I admire her. She didn't wait for the Alabama culture to realize that they were mistaken in their unequal treatment of blacks, but instead called upon her own strength to nonviolently do something about it. Her worth came from within, and not even the threat of arrest or physical harm kept her from acting upon that value.

The similarities between the civil rights movement of the 50's and 60's and the gay rights movement of the present day are striking. Black civil rights activists often deflect attempts by gay activists to piggyback the movements, and although there are differences, the similarities speak much more strongly. Both movements can be considered a response to injustice. Both are characterized by the denial of rights aimed at intrinsic personal qualities. And I would argue that both are marked by the mistaken belief that different means unequal. Why can't different just mean different? (The Thesaurus doesn't help matters, as it actually lists "unequal" in the list of synonyms for the word "different.") It seems obvious now at this point in history that one skin color is not superior to another. It is less obvious though--at least to the masses--that a different ability to love is not somehow deviant, afflicted, or unequal. Whites are not superior to blacks, and heterosexuals are not superior to homosexuals. There are obvious differences, but inequality should not follow.

My friend Robert said in his blog yesterday, that at every point in history when oppression has been prevalent, an apology has followed. He's right. Eventually, the ideology of a civil rights movement resonates loudly enough that increasing numbers of people begin to see the injustice and join the movement, and any resistance that struggles to remain ultimately becomes incapable of supressing it. The increased awareness leads to change, and an apology becomes a necessary part of that process. Although an apology doesn't erase mistreatment and injustice, it does offer validation and evidence that the change will be permanent.

I'm thankful that Rosa Parks was able to live for fifty years beyond her arrest, and experience the improved reality that was born of her courage. She never asked for an apology, but I'm happy that she got one. And I'm grateful for her example. She lived by faith and not by fear, and she lived according to the conviction that she was of value no matter what others may have said or believed. That's something to aspire to. May we all grow to be such willing apostles in the nonviolence movement.

Loss and the mourning that follows

Last night at 20Something we talked about mourning, the subject of the second Beatitude in Matthew 5. Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.

The most obvious time that we mourn is following the death of a loved one, but mourning happens anytime we experience loss. I could argue that I mourn after the Indianapolis Colts lose a football game, but I'll spare you that. I mourned the loss of an opporutnity at work this week and although it was painful, it was theraputic at the same time because it allowed me to renew my focus on the big picture. Loss is not the end of the world. It is not as final as we make it seem. And it doesn't mean that God is using our loss to point out that we are being forgotten or punished in some way. Loss happens, and if anything the mourning that follows proves not that we are insignificant or undeserving, but rather that we are expressive and alive. As many 20somethings said last night, mourning leads to growth and healing.

It would be nice if mourning was not necessary. But it's impossible to get from a painful point a to a healthy point b without a healing process, and mourning is it. Jesus compares mourning to childbirth in John 16:21 when he says, "A woman giving birth to a child has pain because her time has come; but when her baby is born she forgets the anguish because of her joy that a child is born into the world." There is a light at the end of the tunnel.

As GLBT people, we often have to mourn the loss of our own dreams. I grew up in rural Nebraska thinking I would marry a nice guy someday and settle down with three kids and a couple of crock pots like many Midwesterners did, but as I matured and realized that I could never marry a man in good conscience, I had to let go of that dream. Parts of it remain intact. Angela and I talk about having children and we use the crock pots for queso and lil smokies at football parties with our lesbian friends. So maybe it's better to say my dream for my life had to evolve, and not disappear completely.

My parents' dreams for my life had to change as well. My dad had to come to terms with the fact that he would not walk me down the traditional aisle. Both of my parents had to let go of the idea of a son-in-law, and as they grew to know Angela and me as a couple they probably had to reorganize their thoughts about same-sex relationships. They have come to terms with the way things are now, and they love their "daughter-in-might as well be-law." But this didn't happen overnight. They had to go through a mourning period and so did I. But the mourning did produce healing, and we are all better off having gone through it.

So much about mourning is tied to expectations. If I had known better and not routinely expected that I would grow up to be heterosexual when I was homosexual the entire time, I would not have experienced loss. If my parents had not expected me to turn out to be heterosexual, they would not have experienced loss. God never did have heterosexual expectations for me, so it goes without saying that God did not experience loss when I turned out to be a lesbian. But as humans when we expect something to turn out one way and it doesn't, we have to adjust.

As I've grown closer to God over the years I've discovered that God is not the one who places the bulk of the expectations upon me. I'm the one who does that. God desires for me to draw nearer and to respond as the Spirit refines me and works to further extract the gifts I've been given, but God doesn't experience loss when I make a mistake or don't meet some of these self-imposed expectations. God's love is too perfect for that. It's almost as if God is standing behind me, enveloping me with love and pushing me forward in that security, rather than standing miles ahead of me with a set of preconceived expectations and grieving when I don't journey toward them properly. God has plans for each of us and certainly desires for us to take the high road, but we are complete without meeting arbitrary expecatations. This is grace.

As GLBT folks, the world places plenty of expectations upon us. In the eyes of the less progressive ones, we fail miserably. But that doesn't mean that our failure is truth. Our failure originates in them--not in us--so let them own it. In the meantime we can work toward more fully accepting our inherent completeness in God. We won't be free of mourning, but if we enter it fully aware that our identity is in God, we will be able to move through it much more freely and it will produce much more thorough healing.

20Something 10-19-05

We discussed the 2nd Beatitude at 20Something last night. Click here to view, and if you don't see it check the October archives. It's nice to know that periods of mourning are only temporary!

http://coh20something.blogspot.com

20Something 10-12-05

20Something is studying the Beatitudes right now. Here is the study from last week.

If it is not on the front page it will be in the October archives.

http://coh20something.blogspot.com

God heals homosexuals, but not from homosexuality

I used to be careless with love. I don't mean that I loved others so fearlessly that I was uninhibited and reckless in my adoration for them. Rather, I was careless in the way that I received unconditional love from others--from God, from my family, and from Angela. I loved Angela, I loved my sister, I loved my parents, and I loved God, but some part of me shut down when it came to wholly accepting their love and displaying mine—unrestricted at least—in return. I grew up in a tight-knit family where love was readily available, and as I matured love became sort of an unspoken backdrop that I didn't really have to consciously think about. On some level I guess I figured it would always be there. This allowed me to become careless with it. Rather than learn how to fully appreciate something so delicate and valuable and receive it wholeheartedly, I became quick to discard it.

This nearly destroyed my relationship with Angela three years ago when I began to look for contentment and validation outside of our relationship. I began to seek unconditional love in places where primarily conditional love is found--namely in bars where so much depends upon physical appearance, material possessions, and the ability to entertain. When all of these conditions are adequately met, adoration follows. I became interested in satisfying the conditions that would produce the most immediately gratifying results (i.e. inflate my ego), and in that process I became willing to throw away huge blessings in exchange for that temporary fulfillment. This happened after Angela and I had been together for nearly four years.

When Angela offered unconditional love to me, although I loved her, I found myself thinking since this love was so readily available it must be easy to find, and that I owed it to myself to seek it in other places. Quite simply, I was selfish and spoiled. Since I had sensed so much love my entire life, from my family, from God, and in due course from Angela, I selfishly assumed that I would be able to find it in abundance at any time, nearly anywhere I looked. It is good that the love I had received gave me such optimism and confidence in the decency of the world, but unfortunately, it also gave my ego a skewed sense of reality and an inflated sense of self-worth that caused me to constantly look beyond what I had in search of more. I didn’t treat love like the precious, valuable, and rare object that it is, instead treating love as a limitless resource that I assumed I would be able to tap on a whim and that I would always have plenty of. Today, I know that love is neither guaranteed nor limitless unless it comes from God. And that is a direct result of the goodness of God, not the goodness of Jen. I don't deserve it.

The real problem in the past was the lack of unconditional love that I had for myself. Inside I was regularly hampered by self-doubt and insecurity, with, at best, a conditional appreciation for myself. I liked myself more when I was twenty pounds lighter as opposed to twenty pounds heavier. I enjoyed being me when I felt smart, but not so much when I felt like others knew more than I knew. I felt adequate when I was working hard toward a goal, but I had little respect for myself when I took time to relax on a day off. I had difficulty accepting every part of myself, strengths, weaknesses, and all.

I have no doubt this difficulty receiving unconditional love was directly related to my homosexuality. Although I am one hundred percent homosexual and could not live any other way with any degree of integrity or happiness or contentment, I had often considered my homosexuality to be a black mark against me, which led my subconscious mind to conclude that I was unlovable to some degree. When offered, unconditional love then became hard to comprehend, let alone accept and receive, and I almost instinctively shyed away from the sources that emitted it. Unconditional love may radiate from a parent, from a partner, from God, or even from a complete stranger, but no gay person will be able to immerse him or herself in it fully until he or she rejects self-doubt and self-hatred and begins to see homosexuality as a gift and not a flaw.

My relationship with Angela was bound to feel the effects at some point, given this degree of self-hatred. By self-hatred, I do not mean that I consciously despised myself, but simply that I did not fully embrace every part of myself in ways that would allow me to accept unconditional love when it was offered. Since I couldn't fully accept unconditional love, it became impossible to freely offer it to others. I suppose, to some degree, I could not figure out why I, a person with such numerous flaws, deserved to be offered a love that so fully embraced me in the first place. But then, the very nature of unconditional love is rooted in the idea that we do not deserve it, because it flows much more deeply than superficial rights and wrongs, and remains, for the most part, unaffected by thoughts and actions. Although love is a constant force, it comes from the giver voluntarily and not because it is owed. I don't believe God loves us because God has to or because God owes it to us. We don't deserve something that redemptive and wonderful. God loves us because God is good. When I finally owned that, rapid healing followed.

I'll never be a perfect giver and receiver of love. But as God has worked to heal me and teach me more about how to love unconditionally and to accept unconditional love in return, I have become a much happier, contented, and capable person. There is no constant edge that stems from the inability to love and accept myself unconditionally. Instead there is peace that has grown out of maturity. It will continue to grow as I continue to mature.

Not only has God healed me, but God has also healed and blessed my relationship with Angela. We've been together for seven years now, and today marks the third anniversary of our holy union. I still feel undeserving of this blessing at times, but now I think it's due to humility, and an unabashed appreciation of the love itself. The fullness of that first hit me during our holy union ceremony three years ago, and the tears came in a flood. I remember the pastor telling me at the end of the ceremony that I might have to fix my makeup. I was a mess. I think perhaps I came close to realizing the depth of God’s love and grace as I stood at the altar with Angela that day, but I doubt that I will ever fully comprehend it.

Angela doesn't love me because she has to, and I don't love her because I have to. It is out of the goodness of God that we are able to. That is something to be grateful for and to treat with the utmost respect and care. Our gender is irrelevant in the grand scheme of things. It's our hearts, minds, and actions that contribute to success or failure of the relationship and give it worth, and as God works in us individually and in the relationship, it becomes greater than the sum of its parts. There is power and healing in that. To God be the glory.

Blessings

I found out earlier this week that my company will start offering benefits to domestic partners in 2006. This is such a blessing. There is a tendency to say, "Well of course, all employees should be offered equal rights and privileges in the workplace" and, "It's about time," but it's probably more productive to be grateful for the progress to this point and to continue to work for more. When I approach life with a sense of entitlement I find myself becoming bitter and uptight when I don't receive what I think I'm owed, but when I relax and appreciate what comes to me, life is a whole lot sweeter.

When it comes to domestic partner benefits, gay marriage, and other issues that deal with equality, it's a double edged-sword. Yes, of course we deserve equality. But it's counter-productuve to allow our validity to hinge upon whether or not we have it. I admit, I felt validated when I found out my company was going to offer domestic partner benefits. But health insurance isn't God. Angela and I are not suddenly worth more to God because we will carry matching insurance cards. Our worth as individuals and as partners is intrinsic, and to feel validated by anything other than that is misguided. God gives us value and validation. It's nice to be reminded that human rights and privileges don't have that kind of power.

That said, human rights and privileges are nice! And just as God moved through my company to bless those of us who haven't been treated equally to this point, God will move through Congress and the courts to bring about positive change in the gay marriage arena so all relationships can have equal legal footing. It may take awhile, but discrimination never has enough staying power to win in the end. Fairness and goodness always triumph.

In the meantime, count your blessings. And be glad that God trumps "Dubya."

The Positive Process

I read something interesting about positive and negative energy today. The quote said, "There is no positive or negative energy. It is neutral until we personalize it."

It sure feels like the energy that exudes from people is fully charged at times. But positive or negative, it's likely linked to thoughts and emotions that push out from the center of each person, and this process is what gives the energy meaning. Energy may be neutral in itself, but the effect after it becomes personalized is nearly always colored in one way or another.

We've all had experiences with both positive and negative people. Positive people smile more, they are fair and objective, they are dedicated, and their attitude brings out the best in others. Positive people have bad days just like everyone else, but there seems to be an underlying current of peace and positive assuredness that is always present. Negative folks on the other hand seem less assured, fearful, and perhaps bitter. I know which type I would rather be, and which type I would rather be around.

As GLBT people, we're not going to go through life without being subject to some negativity. If it doesn't come from our church it might come from a parent, co-worker, or friend. But if we understand judgment and discrimination to be things that are part of a larger cycle of negativity that arises out of fear and misunderstanding, these things will have less power over us. Judgment and discrimination arise out of energy that has become personalized. If we can absorb this negative energy without personalizing it ourselves, it will lose some of its punch. Perhaps this is what Jesus meant when he told us to turn the other cheek. Owning the fact that negative energy is a product of our human processes and refusing to further contribute to these processes by turning the other cheek does not show weakness. It proves maturity.

If we go one step further and not only stop ourselves from absorbing the negative, but we also make the decision to counter the negative with something affirmative, the negative forces are further overruled. This isn't the easiest thing to do. Each time I hear Jerry Falwell condemn homosexuality (even going so far as to blame hurricane Katrina on Ellen Degeneres, a New Orleans native), it becomes increasingly difficult not to scream and throw something at the television. Although that might feel like a giant release, the effects would be temporary. I would be better off doing something productive, like responding to an email from someone who needs encouragement, or telling Angela how much I love and appreciate her just for the heck of it. We don't have to internalize the hate. If we don't internalize it, it doesn't have power over us. And if we allow it to motivate us to do positive things, the overall effect is one that the haters could never have imagined. Good can be magnified just as quickly as evil.

Personalized positive energy encourages and inspires. It doesn't encourage a bad singer to try out for American Idol--that's something different entirely. Blowing meaningless smoke to avoid hurting someone's feelings doesn't count. But personalized positive energy does fully envelope a person in the moment, right where they are, and it affirms that his or her experience is valid. It is willing to discover beauty in unexpected places. It knows that it may not always be correct. And it grows exponentially.

I had lunch with a new friend today who exudes positive energy. Even though she's human and she goes through struggles just like the rest of us, she possesses a radiance that keeps her steady. I'm blessed to have been introduced to her and to have her as part of my circle of friends now. I checked my email after lunch and I had an encouraging email waiting from a pastor friend of mine. In the course of the email he told me he's glad God made me just the way I am. Wow. It's been a good day. Those two small experiences combined drove me to sit down and write this, which may in turn provide encouragement to someone else.

If energy is neutral until it becomes personalized, this is the positive cycle that I want to become part of and contribute to. Thanks to all of you who are already doing the same.

20Something 10-5-05

Last night's Bible study will be posted here for a week, then in the October archives.

http://coh20something.blogspot.com

Cathedral of Hope's new 30Something group will be using this lesson this Sunday, so if you're planning on going to that ya might not want to peek.

20Something - Wednesday's at 6pm
30Something - Sundays at 10am

Forces that destroy

When faith is an important part of a person's life, it's only natural to extend it and apply that faith to both personal situations and to larger events that happen in the community and throughout the world. Faith helps explain things we don't understand, and it gives us peace when we might not otherwise have it.

The problem is faith is so personal it's difficult to remove it from the context of our own lives. Since our own filters make us biased and have a certain impact upon the way we view the world, the things we say from a spiritual standpoint often come across as blanket judgments and statements of fact when they are really only faith-based opinion. Every Christian is guilty of this; myself included. To some extent this is a good thing because it serves as evidence that our faith is important to us and that we are able to apply it to our daily lives. Part of spiritual growth is a marked improvement in our confidence level as we move closer to God, and it's natural to attempt to extend that confidence toward others and their situations. I have made many generalized statements about the way God views homosexuality and the ways in which God works in homosexual relationships, and although I absolutely believe those statements to be true, they are still faith-based opinion. All of us can look to others as examples, but each of us must still develop our own faith-based opinions.

We can certainly teach one another as we extend our faith outward. We can also hurt one another. Evangelist Franklin Graham, the son and designated successor of Rev. Billy Graham, has been using his faith recently to attempt to explain the destruction associated with Hurricane Katrina. Naturally, his own worldview has a filtering effect upon these explanations, and his faith-based opinion is colored by preconceived ideas. It's personal to him just as any explanation you or I would give would be personal to us. But his statements are delivered with such authority that many people (especially those on the Christian right) might accept them at face value and consider them to be final. These statements are taken from an article posted yesterday on 365gay.com. http://www.365gay.com/newscon05/10/100405nola.htm

"New Orleans has been known for years as a party town," Graham said in an interview with The Associated Press from his office in Boone, N.C. "It is a city that has strong ties to the gay and lesbian movement, and these types of things."

On Monday, Graham delivered a similar message in an appearance in Lynchburg: "There's been satanic worship. There's been sexual perversion. God is going to use that storm to bring revival. God has a plan. God has a purpose."

It's logical to assume that Franklin Graham would also attribute the destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah to the "gay and lesbian movement." It's the same line of thinking. But Ezekiel 16:49 says, "Now this was the sin of your sister Sodom: She and her daughters were arrogant, overfed and unconcerned; they did not help the poor and needy." It's funny how fundamentalists always skip over that verse. Perhaps God will help us see that hurricane Katrina offers us ongoing opportunities to take a break from being overfed and unconcerned, and to help the poor and needy. Perhaps that is part of the plan.

Graham says he doesn't believe that God used the storm as judgment, and yet he places blame upon certain groups of people for attracting the punishment.

Other religious leaders have pointed out that Southern Decadence--the annual gay festival that was to have been held the week the storm hit--could be to blame. That in combination with the large number of gay bars--plus Mardi Gras, gambling, and pornography--might have been too much debauchery for one city.

All of these explanations hinge upon our own faith-based opinions. How do we view God? What has our personal relationship with God been like to this point? Our opinions are tied to our own experiences and worldviews, and if in those worldviews we hold that homosexuality is something wicked that a person falls into and not a truth that one awakens to, we might blame it for all sorts of things. No one wants wickedness to triumph. So part of it is a root misunderstanding of what homosexuality is.

What about the committed gay couple of twenty years who lived in New Orleans, had a holy union, remained monogamous, raised responsible children, and contributed positive things to the community? If religious leaders think the world would be a better place without this couple simply because they are of the same gender, they are sorely mistaken. This speaks to a deep-seeded fear of homosexuality and not to the truth about what homosexuality is.

I hope God does use the lasting effects of hurricane Katrina to bring revival. The "poor and needy" have become much more accessible now that they are scattered among us, and we have more immediate opportunities to help them. The country is working together to rebuild. And we will rebuild for everyone. I can't think of any organizations that would discriminate and decide to rebuild only the straight homes and other "proper" establishments; except maybe the Christian ones that wouldn't want to somehow contribute to the gay and lesbian movement. Isn't that ironic. Secular charities often more comprehensive in their distribution of aid than the Christian ones. Again, it's about the worldview.

There will be a revival. But not one that fortifies the one true "correct" behavior, or requires that we all live and believe a certain way. It's not an opportunity for the Christian right alone to seize a portion of society in order to create a new utopian society void of all the things that bother them. The revival will manifest itself in the form of a more acute ability to see that all human life deserves respect no matter what the background or circumstances, and without regard to our own individual beliefs.

God loves gay and lesbian people right where we are, at this moment. If we continue to seek God we will find that we are not about to be destroyed, but rather fortified and blessed beyond anything we could possibly imagine. The attempts to destroy us will come, but not from God.

The Power of Grapes

I wish focus wasn't such a fleeting thing. If I added up the time I spend being distracted every day I would probably discover that I have another two or three hours that I could use for something constructive. But my mind wanders. I start thinking about weekend plans. I get sucked into sports talk on the radio or television. I get up from the computer to get a handful of grapes. There are countless things that steal our focus.

Last week while my mind was off on a tangent, I realized that people who condemn homosexuality probably consider our lives as GLBT folks to be one big distraction. Since they don't consider homosexuality to be a natural thing they must think of us as wanderers who have strayed from some sort of perfect heterosexual path and have become so distracted by homosexuality that we just give up and decide to immerse ourselves in it. They seem to expect that we could snap back the moment we applied a bit of focus on something more proper. But they underestimate the power of truth. We're not gay because we wandered to this point. We're gay because we have become open to expressing the truth about ourselves. And many of us who are gay Christians have discovered that God is intricately woven into that process. The judgment that follows us on the journey is the distraction.

As I was driving home from work one day last week something was bothering me so I started to pray, and after a minute or so I had become completely focused on God and engrossed in our conversation. Just as I was beginning to really feel the power of the moment, another car raced up from the side and then darted in front of me (without a blinker of course) and slowed down to turn shortly thereafter. I was forced to slow down as well. That was enough to launch me right out of my moment of prayerful bliss and into thoughts of frustration. I thought about how insignificant I must be in the grand scheme of things for this guy (and a thousand others before him) to pay me such showy disregard. It wasn't until two or three traffic signals later that I realized I had been in mid-prayer when I first became distracted, and I had to rewind and apologize to God. Then I got upset with myself for losing focus, and that became a distraction in itself.

We'll always have attention-stealers in our lives, especially as gay Christians. We might be having a great day and then we flip on the radio and hear someone say homosexuals are going to hell. This is distracting, no matter how far beyond it we happen to be. I got an email today from a nineteen year-old girl whose mother is having trouble accepting the fact that her daughter is a lesbian and prefers that she remain closeted and fighting it because, in her words, "if you have already done it for eighteen plus years you can continue." That's quite a distraction. But distractions are not truth. If we keep our focus on God and we remain intent on nurturing that relationship, we won't be in danger of internalizing the condemnation that seems to follow us. And in turn it will lose power over us. It's not easy, but it is possible. And God can work with the possibilities.

Distractions can be healthy as long as we consider them to be a way to relax our tightly wound minds, and as long as we allow these distractions to help us grow. In other words, it's time for some grapes.