Jason Upton and other thoughts
I've been listening a lot to a CD Brady gave me while we were having coffee on Tuesday. Anyone heard of Jason Upton? He's got an amazing voice and does the kind of music that just lets you close your eyes and almost be launched directly into God's presence. Unless you're driving. I've listened a lot in the car, but I'm pretty sure it's an eyes-closed sort of CD if you're in the right setting. One song can be 10 or 12 minutes long, but I like it.
Sarah has some valid points in her comment on the previous blog. I know several people like Sarah who have had bad experiences with ex-gay ministries (and have even become suicidal as an indirect result) and I don't mean to minimize those. And I'm not trying to make the point that just because I'm off to a good start with Brady, all ex-gay ministries are warm and inviting. I know that's not the case. In fact, I think it's more accurate to say that Brady is probably a diamond in the rough under the ex-gay umbrella, and to conclude any more than that at this point would be foolish.
If his motives aren't pure, perhaps Brady will tire of my commitment to both God and gay, and give up on me after awhile. I guess then I'll think differently. But feel like I saw purity in him on Tuesday and I'll let that guide me for now.
I feel like God has been asking me to become more aware of the generalizations I make about fundamentalists, the Christian Right, and all of the others who don't get it (ha!), and I consider Brady to be part of that lesson. He is one person who can't really be lumped in with the whole, and I'm grateful for the things he can teach me. So that's part of the reason I'm giving him the benefit of the doubt and hoping that this turns out to be an edifying relationship. I don't want to hold him responsible for the damage that other ex-gay ministries have done. (I know Sarah isn't saying I should hold him responsible, I just think it's an important point to restate.) Brady might be the sandpaper that needs to smooth me over in many ways.
But while my experience with with this ex-gay ministry might be a personal challenge that leads to positive growth, I'm definitely not endorsing ex-gay ministries. That path works for some, but it's not the only way. More about that to come.
Sarah has some valid points in her comment on the previous blog. I know several people like Sarah who have had bad experiences with ex-gay ministries (and have even become suicidal as an indirect result) and I don't mean to minimize those. And I'm not trying to make the point that just because I'm off to a good start with Brady, all ex-gay ministries are warm and inviting. I know that's not the case. In fact, I think it's more accurate to say that Brady is probably a diamond in the rough under the ex-gay umbrella, and to conclude any more than that at this point would be foolish.
If his motives aren't pure, perhaps Brady will tire of my commitment to both God and gay, and give up on me after awhile. I guess then I'll think differently. But feel like I saw purity in him on Tuesday and I'll let that guide me for now.
I feel like God has been asking me to become more aware of the generalizations I make about fundamentalists, the Christian Right, and all of the others who don't get it (ha!), and I consider Brady to be part of that lesson. He is one person who can't really be lumped in with the whole, and I'm grateful for the things he can teach me. So that's part of the reason I'm giving him the benefit of the doubt and hoping that this turns out to be an edifying relationship. I don't want to hold him responsible for the damage that other ex-gay ministries have done. (I know Sarah isn't saying I should hold him responsible, I just think it's an important point to restate.) Brady might be the sandpaper that needs to smooth me over in many ways.
But while my experience with with this ex-gay ministry might be a personal challenge that leads to positive growth, I'm definitely not endorsing ex-gay ministries. That path works for some, but it's not the only way. More about that to come.
posted by Jen Austin at 2:44 PM
2 Comments:
From the many years I spent receiving some sort of "ex-gay" therapy and meeting scores of people who have been through similar experiences, I believe that these programs do far more harm than good.
While some people who have life-controlling addictions, unhealth relationships, and unresolved childhool sexual abuse may find some measure of help with these issues, the shame over same-sex attractions reinforced by most of the "ex-gay" ministries.
Sadly many programs lump same-sex attractions with all sorts of unhealthy behaviors. Often the same-sex attractions get scapegoated for so many other problems that straight folks face as well.
That said, I know some "ex-gay" folks who are great people, funny, interesting and genuine Christians who care about the plight of a "lost and dying world". If they are happy in their pursuit of a heterosexual or ex-gay life, that is fine. As long as they are honest with their loved ones about what is going on in their life, cool.
When some former homosexuals insist that repentence from homosexuality is God's plan for gays, then they promote an oppressive and abusive stance handed to them by the heterosexual anti-gay church.
I appreciate the lessons you're learning about stereotypes. It's a good reminder. I mean, so much of why gays/lesbians are angry with extreme conservatives and the religious right is because of the sterotypes they make of us as homosexuals. It's interesting how we can start doing the same thing and actually BECOME that which we despise. Not saying I'm not skeptical of the Brady situation...just saying I agree with the points you're making here.
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