Time for a deeper faith
Have you ever had one of those periods in your life when you just know you have to develop a deeper faith? Anything can bring this realization about. It can be job stress, family stress, or it can even be when things are going extremely well and you just feel like you have to have a deeper connection with God in order to fully appreciate everything. Some type of void exists, and you know the only thing that will fill it is a more profound relationship with God.
I'm in one of those periods right now. Actually, I think I've been in one of those periods my entire life, but that's way too much to cover in one blog. (Get the book. Ha!) Over the past few weeks I've just had the overwhelming feeling that I'm not quite connecting with life as I should. I've been zipping through, trying to accomplish as much as I absolutely can, and sort of just saying hey to God as I'm passing through. Although we've talked, God and I haven't had any really meaningful conversations lately (the kind that just rip me to the core), and I haven't been to church. Part of that is because of my job, but there have been opportunities to go to church and we haven't done it. I've been feeling like a ship that's floating along without an anchor. And it's a shallow pond, so my rear end drags across the bottom in spots and keeps me from making the progress I'm trying so hard to make. Nice visual, huh. I'm in my own way.
Each morning I usually pour a cup of coffee and check my email right away. Actually, I turn on the computer and let it warm up, and then I pour the coffee so the computer is ready for me by the time I have the coffee in hand. I can't waste a minute! But I'm starting to drive myself crazy with the uber efficiency. I'm sure God finds all of this humorous, and just waits for me to have an A-ha moment so I'll pause long enough to really get a good whiff of the coffee beans. Well today, I poured my coffee and picked up the Bible before I created any other noise or motion in the house. I read parts of Nehemiah, Micah, and Luke and talked to God as I was reading. Then I prayed formally; eyes closed and with full concentration. My God-filled perspective is beginning to return.
It's quiet in the house as I'm typing this. The dogs are in the home office with me and they're sleeping. But I can hear their breath. There are a bunch of birds in the bush just outside the window, and I can hear them chirping. I can hear airplanes in the distance, and it causes me to wonder where all of those people are headed. The lack of artificial noise and the active pursuit of God, are slowly but surely allowing me to develop a more outward perspective, and reminding me just how much I'm missing when I focus internally. God never loses sight of the big picture, and even though I do, I'm thankful that God is willing to show it to me anytime I'm truly ready to see it.
Since I work each night until midnight, I sneak into bed around 1am. Angela is always fast asleep and I try not to wake her, but it's difficult with four schnauzers rattling their collars and trying to re-situate. Last night Angela stirred a bit, so I grabbed her hand and she started to fall asleep again. Schnauzer number three, Marlee Bean, came over and rested her head right on top of our hands, and stayed there for quite some time. She let out a big contented sigh as she too drifted off to sleep. It was as if she were putting the punctuation on whatever her two favorite people had just communicated. Whatever it was, she got it, and she wanted to be a part of it. I felt like she was a messenger from God, who was providing physical evidence that no matter where exactly our focus is, the big picture is still intact and it always will be.
God is so good. If only I could remain focused on that.
I'm in one of those periods right now. Actually, I think I've been in one of those periods my entire life, but that's way too much to cover in one blog. (Get the book. Ha!) Over the past few weeks I've just had the overwhelming feeling that I'm not quite connecting with life as I should. I've been zipping through, trying to accomplish as much as I absolutely can, and sort of just saying hey to God as I'm passing through. Although we've talked, God and I haven't had any really meaningful conversations lately (the kind that just rip me to the core), and I haven't been to church. Part of that is because of my job, but there have been opportunities to go to church and we haven't done it. I've been feeling like a ship that's floating along without an anchor. And it's a shallow pond, so my rear end drags across the bottom in spots and keeps me from making the progress I'm trying so hard to make. Nice visual, huh. I'm in my own way.
Each morning I usually pour a cup of coffee and check my email right away. Actually, I turn on the computer and let it warm up, and then I pour the coffee so the computer is ready for me by the time I have the coffee in hand. I can't waste a minute! But I'm starting to drive myself crazy with the uber efficiency. I'm sure God finds all of this humorous, and just waits for me to have an A-ha moment so I'll pause long enough to really get a good whiff of the coffee beans. Well today, I poured my coffee and picked up the Bible before I created any other noise or motion in the house. I read parts of Nehemiah, Micah, and Luke and talked to God as I was reading. Then I prayed formally; eyes closed and with full concentration. My God-filled perspective is beginning to return.
It's quiet in the house as I'm typing this. The dogs are in the home office with me and they're sleeping. But I can hear their breath. There are a bunch of birds in the bush just outside the window, and I can hear them chirping. I can hear airplanes in the distance, and it causes me to wonder where all of those people are headed. The lack of artificial noise and the active pursuit of God, are slowly but surely allowing me to develop a more outward perspective, and reminding me just how much I'm missing when I focus internally. God never loses sight of the big picture, and even though I do, I'm thankful that God is willing to show it to me anytime I'm truly ready to see it.
Since I work each night until midnight, I sneak into bed around 1am. Angela is always fast asleep and I try not to wake her, but it's difficult with four schnauzers rattling their collars and trying to re-situate. Last night Angela stirred a bit, so I grabbed her hand and she started to fall asleep again. Schnauzer number three, Marlee Bean, came over and rested her head right on top of our hands, and stayed there for quite some time. She let out a big contented sigh as she too drifted off to sleep. It was as if she were putting the punctuation on whatever her two favorite people had just communicated. Whatever it was, she got it, and she wanted to be a part of it. I felt like she was a messenger from God, who was providing physical evidence that no matter where exactly our focus is, the big picture is still intact and it always will be.
God is so good. If only I could remain focused on that.
posted by Jen Austin at 9:44 AM
1 Comments:
I had that aha moment about 5 years ago and I work hard everyday to maintain it, but I must say it has been so rewarding to put God first in our lives . . . What a difference He has made and makes everyday!
It's a struggle, but at least you recognize what is happening and you are working to do something about it.
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