Ex-Gay article for Dallas Voice
The Ex-Gay Factor
By Jen Austin Special Contributor
Want more guilt? Intrepid Christian Jen Austin infiltrates ‘Living Hope’ workshop to unearth methods of gay-to-straight transformation
No matter what causes a person to be gay, Living Hope Ministries, which is based in Arlington, has one thing to say about it. According to executive director Ricky Chelette, “Either God can change a person’s sexual orientation, or he isn’t God.”
A one-day conference, titled “Living Hope, Lasting Change: A Redemptive Response to the Issue of Homosexuality,” was held on March 4 at Alsbury Baptist Church in Burleson. The 100 or so Christians (most of them white) sought answers to questions like: “Does God love homosexuals?” “What if I like boys and girls?” and “Are people born gay, or is it a choice?”
After paying $20, I sat in the back row and quietly took notes. Throughout the workshop, it seemed like attendees agreed with whatever Chelette said. He depicted homosexuality as “demonic” work — that the trend of queer acceptance is linked to a general rise of immorality in modern culture.
Living Hope formed in 1989 and partnered with ex-gay ministry Exodus International in 1991. The March 4 workshop was a repeat of a conference that was held in January. Another is planned for October.
Living Hope considers gays and lesbians to be no different from those who suffer from pornography addictions or other sexual compulsions. They taught that being gay is a “learned” behavior that can be controlled, and that gays suffer from emotional wounds that can be healed by pursuing God — their way.
As the keynote speaker, Chelette blamed the mainstream media for the increasing acceptance of homosexuality. He pointed to queer themes on TV programs like “All My Children,” “Buffy the Vampire Slayer” and “Will & Grace:” all tools that promote homosexuality. When Chelette got to “The L Word,” he flashed a photo of Jennifer Beals and company on a video screen, which triggered gales of laughter in the church. Chelette said, “It’s a drama. You know you’re going to get lots of drama with a bunch of lesbians.”
His message enforced stereotypes, and the evangelical crowd seemed to buy every word. Then came testimonies from folks who previously attended Living Hope’s workshops.
Patty, whose daughter veers on the Sapphic side, is convinced that she created a weakness in her daughter, which Satan exploited. Through Living Hope’s help, her daughter is beginning to exhibit outward signs that aren’t quite so bull dyke in nature. Patty says her daughter has almost stopped wearing a baseball cap everywhere she goes. She’s also started painting her nails and wearing makeup. Wow, lesbians don’t wear makeup? Someone had better notify Portia de Rossi.
After discovering what Living Hope considers the “root causes” of homosexuality, it’s no wonder her daughter’s coming out plunged Patty into what she refers to as “the darkest pit she’s ever been in.” This group thrives on guilt.
In the first portion of the conference, Chelette said “It’s a sin to be gay because it’s an illegitimate way to meet a legitimate need for affirmation, affection and attention.” His theory hinges upon a mother-father-child Family Triangle. Ironically, Chelette’s diagram was an upside down triangle: Mother and father are at the top corners, and the child at the bottom.
According to Chelette, if one of the lines between family members are broken — due to a lack of affirmation, attention or affection — the family can end up with a gay kid. For example, if a boy can’t adequately connect with his father, the mother might strengthen her parental ties. This causes a boy to connect with his feminine side.
Chelette said some boys are naturally drawn toward aesthetic things, like color and texture, but that doesn’t make him gay. A young boy who desires to run through racks of lingerie simply to feel frilly lace next to his skin, “Just needs to be parented differently,” Chelette explained.
Bottom line: Blame the parents. And there’s always sexual abuse, which Chelette said is the reason why most girls become lesbians. Of course, he didn’t reveal a source for this alarming statistic, but said, “85 percent of lesbians have been abused sexually as a child.”
As for the other 15 percent, it’s back to the Family Triangle diagram. According to Chelette, if a lesbian hasn’t been sexually abused, it’s likely that she has an emotionally weak mother and gravitates toward the father. That’s what fires up this need to do masculine things like, “fix the truck,” Chelette explained.
What about tomboys who end up straight? Chelette says tomboys can be healthy, but the identity becomes “dangerous” when it causes a girl to embrace masculinity so completely that she faces peer rejection as a result. Chelette fears if she becomes isolated, she might identify with lesbians because it’s the only peer group left to join. He could have added “and recruiters are awarded toaster ovens,” because the crowd seemed to latch onto this myth.
According to Living Hope, gay people cannot prevent same-sex attraction, but acting upon these desires is a choice. The ministry focuses on the coming out process: when one first acts upon same-sex attraction. And for those who take the plunge, they underscore how angry God gets when people engage in gay sex. But it’s shame and fear that keep folks on the straight and narrow.
Enter the ex-gay role models: John and Julie are two examples of people Living Hope believes made the correct decisions. They’re young, attractive and say they’re in the “process” of being healed. Dressed in cargo pants and flip-flops, Julie is cute and spunky. Her mom sent her to Chelette after she came out at 16. Julie says she was so defensive about being lesbian, her first counseling sessions were spent cussing out Chelette. ’Atta girl! Sadly, her righteous indignation was short-lived. With the help an unnamed female friend, Chelette embraced and began nurturing Julie — telling Julie she was adorable. Julie said she began to “feel the type of love” she had been searching for in gay life. See, kids? Gays are just looking for attention and affection in all the wrong places.
Dressed in jeans and a blazer with shoulder-length wavy brown hair, John seemed less interested in emotional connections. He wants to connect with someone whose qualities he admires. Growing up, John never connected with his dad and sought authoritative men. But apparently, John’s daddy-chasing game never felt quite right. His gay tendencies sublimated the distance in the father-son link of the Family Triangle.
After John entered therapy with Living Hope, he continued to date men. But one night, as he was on his way to the home of an ex with whom he had reunited, John had a Joan of Ark-like experience. John heard a voice telling him to turn the car around and go home, which he reluctantly did. It wasn’t clear whether John considered this to be the voice of God or if it was the echo of Chelette’s repressive message that did the trick.
Concerned mother Patty is encouraged by her daughter’s lacquered fingernails, and that she’s dating men again. But the process is not over: The daughter varnishes her nails in black and silver (the horror!), and she still dreams of marrying a Canadian girlfriend.
After living as a gay man for eight years, Brady Cottle said he left the gay world because “he was tired of feeling lost.” He’s now married to a woman and has a 5-year-old daughter. “Does this mean I’m not gay anymore?” he asked. “I’m still thirsty. But without Christ, I would be back in the gay bars tomorrow.” He adds that his aim was never “gay,” but his intention “was and still is God.”
Which is what Living Hope wants him to believe: Focus on God — not on a same sex attraction. Follow that Living Hope rule, and the gay-to-straight transformation will stick.
E-mail: jen@jenaustin.com
By Jen Austin Special Contributor
Want more guilt? Intrepid Christian Jen Austin infiltrates ‘Living Hope’ workshop to unearth methods of gay-to-straight transformation
No matter what causes a person to be gay, Living Hope Ministries, which is based in Arlington, has one thing to say about it. According to executive director Ricky Chelette, “Either God can change a person’s sexual orientation, or he isn’t God.”
A one-day conference, titled “Living Hope, Lasting Change: A Redemptive Response to the Issue of Homosexuality,” was held on March 4 at Alsbury Baptist Church in Burleson. The 100 or so Christians (most of them white) sought answers to questions like: “Does God love homosexuals?” “What if I like boys and girls?” and “Are people born gay, or is it a choice?”
After paying $20, I sat in the back row and quietly took notes. Throughout the workshop, it seemed like attendees agreed with whatever Chelette said. He depicted homosexuality as “demonic” work — that the trend of queer acceptance is linked to a general rise of immorality in modern culture.
Living Hope formed in 1989 and partnered with ex-gay ministry Exodus International in 1991. The March 4 workshop was a repeat of a conference that was held in January. Another is planned for October.
Living Hope considers gays and lesbians to be no different from those who suffer from pornography addictions or other sexual compulsions. They taught that being gay is a “learned” behavior that can be controlled, and that gays suffer from emotional wounds that can be healed by pursuing God — their way.
As the keynote speaker, Chelette blamed the mainstream media for the increasing acceptance of homosexuality. He pointed to queer themes on TV programs like “All My Children,” “Buffy the Vampire Slayer” and “Will & Grace:” all tools that promote homosexuality. When Chelette got to “The L Word,” he flashed a photo of Jennifer Beals and company on a video screen, which triggered gales of laughter in the church. Chelette said, “It’s a drama. You know you’re going to get lots of drama with a bunch of lesbians.”
His message enforced stereotypes, and the evangelical crowd seemed to buy every word. Then came testimonies from folks who previously attended Living Hope’s workshops.
Patty, whose daughter veers on the Sapphic side, is convinced that she created a weakness in her daughter, which Satan exploited. Through Living Hope’s help, her daughter is beginning to exhibit outward signs that aren’t quite so bull dyke in nature. Patty says her daughter has almost stopped wearing a baseball cap everywhere she goes. She’s also started painting her nails and wearing makeup. Wow, lesbians don’t wear makeup? Someone had better notify Portia de Rossi.
After discovering what Living Hope considers the “root causes” of homosexuality, it’s no wonder her daughter’s coming out plunged Patty into what she refers to as “the darkest pit she’s ever been in.” This group thrives on guilt.
In the first portion of the conference, Chelette said “It’s a sin to be gay because it’s an illegitimate way to meet a legitimate need for affirmation, affection and attention.” His theory hinges upon a mother-father-child Family Triangle. Ironically, Chelette’s diagram was an upside down triangle: Mother and father are at the top corners, and the child at the bottom.
According to Chelette, if one of the lines between family members are broken — due to a lack of affirmation, attention or affection — the family can end up with a gay kid. For example, if a boy can’t adequately connect with his father, the mother might strengthen her parental ties. This causes a boy to connect with his feminine side.
Chelette said some boys are naturally drawn toward aesthetic things, like color and texture, but that doesn’t make him gay. A young boy who desires to run through racks of lingerie simply to feel frilly lace next to his skin, “Just needs to be parented differently,” Chelette explained.
Bottom line: Blame the parents. And there’s always sexual abuse, which Chelette said is the reason why most girls become lesbians. Of course, he didn’t reveal a source for this alarming statistic, but said, “85 percent of lesbians have been abused sexually as a child.”
As for the other 15 percent, it’s back to the Family Triangle diagram. According to Chelette, if a lesbian hasn’t been sexually abused, it’s likely that she has an emotionally weak mother and gravitates toward the father. That’s what fires up this need to do masculine things like, “fix the truck,” Chelette explained.
What about tomboys who end up straight? Chelette says tomboys can be healthy, but the identity becomes “dangerous” when it causes a girl to embrace masculinity so completely that she faces peer rejection as a result. Chelette fears if she becomes isolated, she might identify with lesbians because it’s the only peer group left to join. He could have added “and recruiters are awarded toaster ovens,” because the crowd seemed to latch onto this myth.
According to Living Hope, gay people cannot prevent same-sex attraction, but acting upon these desires is a choice. The ministry focuses on the coming out process: when one first acts upon same-sex attraction. And for those who take the plunge, they underscore how angry God gets when people engage in gay sex. But it’s shame and fear that keep folks on the straight and narrow.
Enter the ex-gay role models: John and Julie are two examples of people Living Hope believes made the correct decisions. They’re young, attractive and say they’re in the “process” of being healed. Dressed in cargo pants and flip-flops, Julie is cute and spunky. Her mom sent her to Chelette after she came out at 16. Julie says she was so defensive about being lesbian, her first counseling sessions were spent cussing out Chelette. ’Atta girl! Sadly, her righteous indignation was short-lived. With the help an unnamed female friend, Chelette embraced and began nurturing Julie — telling Julie she was adorable. Julie said she began to “feel the type of love” she had been searching for in gay life. See, kids? Gays are just looking for attention and affection in all the wrong places.
Dressed in jeans and a blazer with shoulder-length wavy brown hair, John seemed less interested in emotional connections. He wants to connect with someone whose qualities he admires. Growing up, John never connected with his dad and sought authoritative men. But apparently, John’s daddy-chasing game never felt quite right. His gay tendencies sublimated the distance in the father-son link of the Family Triangle.
After John entered therapy with Living Hope, he continued to date men. But one night, as he was on his way to the home of an ex with whom he had reunited, John had a Joan of Ark-like experience. John heard a voice telling him to turn the car around and go home, which he reluctantly did. It wasn’t clear whether John considered this to be the voice of God or if it was the echo of Chelette’s repressive message that did the trick.
Concerned mother Patty is encouraged by her daughter’s lacquered fingernails, and that she’s dating men again. But the process is not over: The daughter varnishes her nails in black and silver (the horror!), and she still dreams of marrying a Canadian girlfriend.
After living as a gay man for eight years, Brady Cottle said he left the gay world because “he was tired of feeling lost.” He’s now married to a woman and has a 5-year-old daughter. “Does this mean I’m not gay anymore?” he asked. “I’m still thirsty. But without Christ, I would be back in the gay bars tomorrow.” He adds that his aim was never “gay,” but his intention “was and still is God.”
Which is what Living Hope wants him to believe: Focus on God — not on a same sex attraction. Follow that Living Hope rule, and the gay-to-straight transformation will stick.
E-mail: jen@jenaustin.com
posted by Jen Austin at 9:34 AM
13 Comments:
I came here via Peterson Toscano.
This is really wonderful--the writing, the perspective, the way you kept your calm and compassion. Wow, my stomach did flip-flops all over again. I attended and wrote about a similar conference in 2001. I felt so sorry for the parents--the unnecesary pain being heaped onto them--and for their kids as well.
And me, a makeup-wearing bisexual woman in long hair and a long skirt. I knew I was a target, but they didn't even want to think about what the targets really looked like. They were much more interested in strawmen and strawwomen than flesh and blood. And yet they hurt flesh and blood.
It's annoying, it's heartbreaking, it's such a horrible *waste*.
Reading this article almost made me cry. I'm a seventeen year-old male, and I came out just before turning fifteen.
a few months later, my parents found out about Living Hope and all too eagerly paid the $75 total fee for the three of us to attend a conference almost two years ago.
What you didn't see was the group therapy sessions. My parents absolutely jumped on this and made me attend weekly sessions where I had to hear and dispell extremely personal information regarding pornography use and sexual habits. On young man had been attending these sessions for seven year, and you know what? He is STILL gay- and absolutely miserable.
Eventually my parents found out how much pain this was causing me at such a young age, and have since become more sensitive about making gay jokes and so forth. They almost tolerate my sexuality, but we still never talk about it.
I'm still waiting for the day when they reach reconciliation regarding homosexuality, just like I did.
By the way, it is very unfortunate that Julie attends these meetings. She is so fun and enjoyable, and I know that she would meet an incredible woman if she would stop denying her true self.
ya know it's funny how people will view and experience things only in the way they want to. Even if it means twisting truth to support ones personal linings. I know Ricky Chelette personally and I am very involved with Living Hope Ministries and the representation given is completely askew and twisted to push the sole viewpoint of the author and not to give an accurate description of what this ministry exists to do. Furthermore, the people that attend the support group, with the exception of some minors, attend it out of their own free will and choice.
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Unfortunately, your article leaves much to be desired. Such as, perhaps, objectivity.
You fail to warrant your bias and presuppositions that act as the support of the piece. Ultimately, in order to use the language you do, it would be wise to justify your own position that homosexuality is a behavior that should be encouraged. This is not possible. You have no moral highground on which to stand upon to scold this Christian community. Unless you can refute one of the most historically reliable events in history, I don't understand why you speak so confidently about your beliefs and condescendingly toward Christian's convictions. Sure, the leader of this ministry may use generalizations. Etc. Etc. But unless you explain what harm he is doing and justify such claims journalistically, this article is very unimpressive and amateur. I understand your frustration with Christians trying to "change" people; however, you might do well in looking a littler deeper into why they see the need for change, write a bit more objectively, or else substantiate your pretentious, arrogant judgments.
Dear anonymous 12:44AM,
You speak of the author's "bias" and "presuppositions" and the apparent lack of objectivity in her piece. You tell her that she is devoid of moral high ground from which to "scold this Christian community" and you say that it is not possible to justify homosexuality. Let me ask you: what makes you so sure? What makes you think you have the moral high ground? The bible? Really? Perhaps the fact that the word "homosexual" was inserted into some of the translations used today since about the 1950ies and that the real meaning of the Greek words definitely does not connote "homosexual" as we know it today but as more and more serious bible scholars assert, people who engage in deviant sexual acts whilst worshiping idols (temple prostitutes)? This is also the context in which the prohibition in Leviticus was understood which is part of the levitical code which also stipulates that one cannot wear garments made of two kinds of fabric or eat shrimp etc. More and more churches seriously considering the subject of homosexuality realize that it is a normal variant of sexuality found throughout nature (in humans as well as in animals). Also, scientific evidence shows that sexual orientation in humans is fixed by the age of five approximately and that only a small subset of the entire homosexual population is able to undergo change (eg sequential bisexuals), those who are very close to the middle of the Keynes scale. Btw, that change can go both ways. A sizable portion of the homosexual population is not able to change their orientation despite of what ex-gay ministries might suggest. Those can still deny who they are, repress their sexuality and enter into heterosexual marriage but at a far greater cost to themselves and in many cases their spouses and children than first anticipated (ie when sometimes only years later the growing burden of denial becomes too heavy to bear and they find themselves incapable of continuing to function heterosexually. Only then children may have been born and the lives of them as well as their spouses are destroyed). The aforementioned fact that the Bible does not clearly discuss the subject of homosexuality at all but rather condemns idolatrous sexual practices, the fact that science shows that sexual orientation is not chosen and has existed throughout history in every culture at about constant levels (btw, we know that Scripture does not negate science and vice versa), the fact that homosexuals who come out have done so facing some of the worst discrimination imaginable including torture, death threats, shunning by their families etc. (who in their right mind would do that if they did not conclude that it was necessary to live an authentic, honest life before God and others?), the fact that the bible is clear on the fact that those who live in love live in God and God lives in them (see 1 John 4) and that there are countless of testimonies of gay partners who against incredible odds hold true to one another in love. .........
...... Unfortunately, a shortsighted interpretation of bible verses out of context has caused indescribable suffering throughout the history of the church (think of Galileo, slavery women's rights, etc.). The church has been wrong about its interpretation of scripture in those and other cases and whenever it did it departed from the highest command Jesus gave (to love God and our neighbor - as found in Luke 27). Augustine put it as follows in Christian Doctrine 1.35.40: “Whoever, therefore, thinks that he understands the divine Scriptures or any part of them so that it does not build the double love of God and of our neighbor does not understand it at all”. There have been thousands and thousands of gays who have been incredibly wronged by a wrong interpretation of Scripture, there have been far too many suicides, death threats, abuse (both physical and emotional) due to homophobia. Fear induces the worst of human behavior. Fear is also the one barrier to knowing the true heart of God. The bible says that "there is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear." I know Living Hope ministry personally. I do not doubt that their leaders are well-intentioned based on their interpretation of Scripture. However, gay Christians and non-Christians alike, would be better served if we did not continue propagating an interpretation of Scripture incongruent with science and as several bible scholars have pointed out, not in line with the original manuscripts and the context in which the few often-cited passages, seemingly condemning homosexuality, appear. Rather, ministries such as Living Hope should help homosexuals gain a better understanding of who they are, help them gain trust and confidence in a creator who loves them and wishes to be in a relationship with them, and to point them to a moral lifestyle (ie. monogamous, committed relationships based on love and respect). Unfortunately, because homosexuality is looked upon the way it is, homosexuals often internalize the guilt, shame and fear they grow up with, and then often act out their negative self-perception in hazardous, immoral lifestyles since they believe they are worthless scum anyway and thus not worthy of a better life. Perhaps we should look at our own behavior that might contribute more than we may think to the very lifestyle we so readily condemn and judge. Did not Jesus say something about first looking at the log in our eye before pointing out the speck of sawdust in our brother’s eye? Just me.
Love is love.
There are so many "anonymous's" here... To the longest winded anonymous. Your long "explanation" is very convincing in the way attempt to explain away the bible so well. Unfortunately, for your argument...the bible CLEARLY speaks to the unnatural activity of same sex sex. Mr. Chelette isn't coming into your gay bars and snatching you out and trying to change you. He is simply trying to help people that are looking for help and direction. AND, doing it in a very loving accepting way. Why has "tolerance" become such an acceptably ONE WAY street?
Intrepid Christian reporter? I think the writer is a very fearful Christian or (more likely), not a Christian. Whatever her perspective, it's a pity she pretends it's the opposite just to appear more neutral (as if that's a good thing). Her bias is blatant from the very beginning.
Sex outside of marriage is sin. Period. Homosexuality is no better or worse than pornography, premarital sex, pedophilia or infidelity. All of it is sex outside of marriage. And anyone who has ever told a lie is just as sinful.
Why are we so afraid to call sin what it is? When did acceptance and celebration of sin become a VIRTUE? It feels good to do as we please and disregard God, but somewhere deep inside, we know it's wrong. So we rationalize it, make up "acceptable" words for it, encourage others to do it, and throw mud at those who do not celebrate our choice to reject God.
God does not reward rebellion. Accepting sin because those around us do is not acceptable to Him. We will all have to answer to Him one day.
I agree and I feel your pai...J lost three brothers the were GBT (transvestite) AiDs and Hep C. I am working on my book to bring about a study that warrants as mûch research other phsical & biologcal abnormalities, i.e. Down Syndrome, Autism etc. I believe there is a plausible explanation if people would stop using God as a whipping tool instead of using God as the microscope to find the solution....would you like to help in my research? I will open a FB page called "Adams Rib" Insructions to take a short quiz....thks
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