An alternative Christian perspective on the gay marriage debate

We've all heard the Christian Right's argument against gay marriage, that it would be an abomination to God. I think that not only puts words in God's mouth, but lacks grace and understanding. It reeks of fear, and shows a lack of trust in a gay person's ability to experience God fully, as is. The truth is, God can be just as alive in a gay relationship as in a straight marriage, and anything that tries to prove otherwise is just hollow propaganda.

A friend of mine recently asked for my Christian perspective on the gay marriage debate for a college paper that she's working on. The following paragraphs on my perspective are choppy, so please consider them to be a bunch of thoughts strung together more than a splendidly-flowing piece of prose. :-) I put better segues in the book, I promise. (I'm picking up the book from the proofreader on Sunday and will send it to the printer as soon as I can get it formatted.)

I've already been over Leviticus and the other clobber passages that the Christian Right uses to condemn homosexuality (in the archives now) so I won't go into those in depth here. They'll be in the book too. On with the other thoughts...

I think the strongest argument against Bush's position, is that it violates the separation of church and state. The argument against gay marriage is always Christian-based, so shouldn't an aetheist be highly offended by that? It seems that the Christian Right's obsession with taking over politics steps on freedoms in the name of God, which seems unconstitutional.

The most important thing Biblically, is the fact that Jesus said nothing about homosexual orientation. In fact, homosexual orientation itself is not addressed anywhere in the Bible. A few homosexual acts are discussed (in the form of rape, dominance, humiliation, etc.) and those have nothing to do with a same sex couple's ability to commit to one another and build a life together. If God hated homosexuality as much as the Christian Right tries to profess, wouldn't there be an 11th commandment that said, "Thou shalt not be gay?" Instead, the commandments focus on lies, betrayal, and unfaithfulness,which seems to suggest that God is more concerned with the condition of the heart than anything else. God wants kindness, gentleness, love, and other good things to come from the heart, and that can happen just as easily in a gay relationship as it can in a straight one.

Why exactly would God say gay marriage is okay? I think it comes down to the definition of sin. Sin is an obstacle that separates the sinner from God. It is easy to see why murder, for example, is a sin. The act undoubtedly comes between the murderer and God. God is love, but love is absent when the act of murder is committed. The effects are harmful. Families are robbed of someone whom they loved and the victim is robbed of his or her existence. Murder is a violation against God and mankind. None of these things apply to a healthy homosexual relationship. The effects are positive. Love thrives. Each partner is filled with happiness and contentment, potentially drawing nearer to God rather than further away.

Galatians 5:22-24 talks about fruit of the Spirit. It reads: “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Against such things there is no law. Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the sinful nature with its passions and desires.”

The Spirit sees faith in the heart and a love for God, and works to develop a Christian character within each of us accordingly. As our faith grows, the fruit in our lives becomes more abundant. As the fruit becomes more abundant in our relationships, we become more blessed by its goodness, and whether our overlying relationship happens to be heterosexual or homosexual becomes altogether irrelevant. Once again, it’s the heart that matters.

It is impossible to find the fruit of the Spirit in the midst of sin. There is no love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, or self-control in the midst of murder, adultery, or any number of other certain sins. Whether or not something can be classified as sin is more likely to be determined by its ability to produce fruit, and not by its cultural approval or disapproval. Since both homosexuality and heterosexuality are equally capable of producing spiritual fruit, it goes without saying that homosexuality does not automatically equate sin. Both heterosexuality and homosexuality are quite capable of producing sin—it is simply a matter of what one does with them.

One more thing...

The word homosexuality was first penned in 1869 (Wikepedia.com has more), which means the original translations of the Bible could not possibly have included it. To include it in modern translations shows the scholars' bias.

All of this is to say, Biblical arguments against gay marriage are not that strong. The people who employ Biblical arguments are loud and powerful, but when broken down their arguments have trouble standing up.

As long as there is a covenant bond in the relationship--that is, a binding agreement between God and both partners to uphold the integrity of the relationship--the gender makeup is irrelevant. If a gay couple includes God in their lives and makes every effort to be a good example and live the kind of life that Jesus urged us all to live, God is glorified and pleased. It's not the category that the relationship fits in, but rather the life in the relationship itself that determines its merit.

Concepts like these may not be understood now, in this current political arena, but the waves of enlightenment will continue to come. Eventually, there will be understanding. In the meantime, all we can do is continue to live truthfully, and allow God to be visible in our lives. The more quickly it becomes known that God is alive in gay relationships, the more likely it becomes that politics will catch up.

What is a good deed?

Angela had surgery last Wednesday and was released from the hospital on Friday. She's been recovering at home since then and will be off from work for three weeks.

She divides her time between the bed and the recliner, and needs help with just about everything. I've been bathing her, helping her get dressed, making sure she's surrounded by the proper number of pillows at all times, and making sure she has an ample supply of water and pills nearby. Anytime she wants to get out of the recliner, I'm the one who enables her by putting the footrest down. She can't strain, which means I must do all the straining for her.

I've found so far that all of this is quite enjoyable. Of course I would love for Angela to be full-strength, but when she's not I don't mind sacrificing my own pursuits in order to take care of her.

This sparked an interesting conversation. I know that God wills for all of us to take care of each other. But since, in this case, it comes so naturally for me, does it count? It seems to me that the best good deeds are the ones that require us to go above and beyond the call of duty. This is simply the call of duty. This is my spouse, and it's part of the "for better or for worse, in sickness and in health" vow that we took several years ago. It just goes without saying.

Perhaps this is the point that God wants us to reach with everyone. Maybe God wants our desire to help to be so effortless that it becomes part of our daily routine and becomes a reflex more than a concentrated initiation. This requires denying ourselves to some extent, and being willing to drop everything in order to help at the exact moment we're needed.

We may not get as much accomplished (and for an annoyingly uber-driven person like me that can be hard to take), but the fulfillment involved with focusing energy outward rather than inward seems to outweigh all else. Perhaps I'm only beginning to realize the depth.

"A burden of love for the homosexual community..."

I received this email last week. It's a great illustration of the black and white mentality that plagues many Christian denominations.

This person admits "not being 100% sure" about some things, but seems to be totally convinced of others. I'll never accept an argument in which someone else is convinced about what is or isn't sin in my life. The Holy Spirit is able to convict me of sin on an individual level, and has not done so about homosexuality. My selfishness at times, yes. But sexual orientation is a non-issue. I make daily attempts to give my whole self to God--the lesbian part included--and God embraces me fully.

My favorite Rev. Piazza quote comes to mind right now. "The opposite of faith is not doubt. It is certainty."

I haven't heard back from this person since I sent my response. That's usually the way it goes. Once they realize I'm a "lost cause," they give up. Thanks to God for the steadiness and grace.

There is so much to say on the subject. I can't possibly be thorough in this space. I'm keeping a file of these emails so I can respond in books. It's still looking like the first will be out in August and the second hopefully in 2007. In God's time.

Here's the email.

Jen,

I just have to say that I am sincerely sorry to you and every other individual that has ever experienced hate of any kind. You are correct when you say that that is not from God. Our God does not hate individuals, He hates sin. I personally have always felt a burden of love for the homosexual community, and my church feels the same way. I do consider myself Baptist, but first and foremost a follower of Christ. Neither I, nor my church preach words of hate and condemnation. BUT... I do believe in the absolute infallible truth of the inspired word of God, and there is no mistake or misinterpretation of what God says on homosexuality. He is a big and graceful God that can and will heal someone of sinful desires and lifestyle. I simply don't understand how you can read the bible any differently.

I am not %100 sure on whether people are "born gay" or not. There are scientists and psychologists on both sides of the aisle that can "prove" they are right on that subject, but just because someone is born a certain way, it does not give them the right to sin. If someone is "born" wanting to molest children, it doesn't make it alright if they do. Now don't misunderstand, I would NOT compare a homosexual to a child molester, I am just comparing sexual sin to sexual sin. Don't get me wrong, I truly wish that I could ignore that God speaks against it because I do know and love many homosexuals - even in my own family. Some people say "love the sinner, hate the sin" but I say (something I heard from Dennis Jernigan, an ex-gay Christian composer and musician) simply "love the sinner, hate my own sin."

No, it is not my job nor my desire to condemn anyone, only simply to extend the love of Christ, which is what I try to do every moment of every day (although like everyone, I make plenty of mistakes). Even though I do not condemn anyone, the Lord absolutely, positively does condemn the SIN (not the sinner). I believe wholeheartedly that does not send gays to hell, He sends anyone who does not believe in His son, Jesus and makes Him Lord and Savior to hell. Believe me when I say that I love you, and so many people like you and you know that Jesus does too, but sin is sin. Praise God that there is One who delivers us from all condemnation from that sin if we simply confess it and turn from it.

One last thing, if you truly do have an open mind - go to www.loveinaction.org. Again, I love and pray for you - and I pray God's blessings on your life.

In Christ,
X

In response...

Thanks for taking the time to write such a thoughtful note. I appreciate it. I'm familiar with Love in Action.

It's great to know that you and your church don't preach hate or condemnation. But really, by not trusting in my ability to experience God fully as a lesbian, you are condemning me. I don't think the Bible is quite as clear on homosexuality as you make it sound. I know that your church tradition has taught against homosexuality consistently and there is no mistaking that. But a church's teaching (or a church's interpretation of the Bible) is not infallible. Other churches teach different things and interpret the Bible differently, and that's just as valid. I mean the word "homosexual" wasn't even introduced until the 1860's. How do you explain its appearance in modern translations? Homosexual acts are addressed in the Bible regarding older men keeping younger boys, homosexual rape, etc., but homosexual orientation is never addressed. There is no mistaking that.

I respect your opinion and I know your intentions are good. You're just moving in the direction you believe God has called you to go. That's great. My life and my experience with the Holy Spirit go in a completely different direction. We'll just have to agree to disagree on this one. Thanks again for writing. I hope you'll keep in touch. I'm always willing to learn more about what you believe.

Have a good weekend,
Jen

Rev. Dr. Jo Hudson on Larry King Live

This is huge!

Larry King Live is going to discuss "gay and God" on tomorrow's show, and our own Rev. Dr. Jo Hudson from Cathedral of Hope has been asked to participate. She's flying out to the CNN studios in Los Angeles tomorrow and will be on the show tomorrow night at 8pm Central.

Rev. Dr. Hudson is a great example of what it means to be gay and Christian, and her presence will speak highly of all of us.

Views from the Christian Right will be presented as well. I'm praying that Jo's attitude of love and grace shines through, and that things like judgment and hate will be spotlighted as the real sins. I'm sure it will be a heated discussion.

It's awesome to watch God bring this issue to the forefront. May the dialogue continue.

World Cup soccer is kinda like faith

I never played soccer growing up. I remember having a nerf soccer ball at one point that I kicked around interchangeably with my nerf football, but soccer never was part my core passion for sports.

Now that I work in the evenings I'm always looking for live sports coverage on TV during the day, mostly because watching other people sweat makes my time on the treadmill go faster. Sports highlights work too, but I really enjoy getting lost in a live game. There was no baseball on during the day yesterday and I had grown tired of watching ESPN News loop the coverage about Ben Roethlisberger's motorcycle accident (God speed, Ben), so I flipped over to ESPN 2's coverage of World Cup soccer. The U.S./Czech Republic game sucked me in initially, but now I think I'm hooked no matter who is playing. It didn't take long.

The U.S. got blown out yesterday, but it's actually kind of exciting to watch a sport in which teams other than the U.S. are superior. I don't know why I dig that, but I do. I guess I've grown tired of the U.S. ego. I'll cheer for the U.S. on Saturday against Italy of course, but if Brazil wins the World Cup as expected, I'll be equally thrilled for them.

Here's the point of this soccer-infused ramble. I watched Switzerland and France play to a 0-0 tie this morning. Ninety minutes of soccer and not one goal. Now I'm watching Croatia and Brazil, and Brazil finally scored a goal in the 44th minute of the match. Just one goal in over 134 minutes of running, panting, kicking, and sweating. Just like faith. I certainly do a whole lot more running, panting, kicking, and sweating in my spiritual life than I do jumping for joy after a goal/spiritual payoff. The spiritual scores do happen, but I think the majority of our journeys are spent working toward them. And as soon as we achieve one, the whistle blows and we're working toward the next one. It's exhausting. And yet so incredibly worthwhile.

In a society that's all about instant winners, quick fixes, and immediate gratifications, it's fun to cheer for endurance. The Dallas Mavericks are in a similar situation right now. They've worked for 26 years to reach the NBA finals, and now after an 82-game regular season, they're on the brink of the big payoff. Hurray for endurance.

In 1 Corinthians 9:24-27 Paul says:

24Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize.

25Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last; but we do it to get a crown that will last forever. 26Therefore I do not run like a man running aimlessly; I do not fight like a man beating the air. 27No, I beat my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize.

Just like the World Cup soccer players, we continue on because of our passion. The little victories may or may not come, but it's comforting to know that, with endurance, the ultimate prize will come in the end. I think there's even a crowd cheering us on, if we can tune in closely enough to hear it.

Endurance is harder during some periods than others, but again, so incredibly worthwhile.

Hurray for murder?

I watched The View yesterday while I was on the treadmill and they talked about the murder of al-Zarqawi. As soon as Meredith Vieira announced that he had been killed, the crowd erupted in applause and audible hoops and hollers. Is this the right reaction to someone's death?

My knee-jerk reaction was to laugh under my breath and yell "No" at the TV. The crowd kept clapping. It makes me a bit ill to cheer someone's death, no matter how evil the person happened to be. I understand that knocking off key targets is part of the strategy in the war on terror, and I understand that al-Zarqawi's actions were often evil. But have we solved a problem by killing him? Isn't it reasonable to assume that lopping off the head of the beast will cause many more heads to appear? I have trouble understanding why never-ending violence is a good solution.

I'm sure the phrase "God Bless America" was uttered at some point after al-Zarqawi's death. I think this is taking the Lord's name in vain. Attaching God's name to a cause we that we have determined to be worthy is just plain wrong. Does God want terrorism to end? The God I know is a God of peace and love, so I assume the answer would be yes. Would Jesus have killed al-Zarqawi? I can't imagine the circumstance. Last time I checked, the order not to kill was one of the ten commandments. It doesn't say, "Thou shalt not kill...unless you have a really good reason." Murder continues to be justified. At the same time, love is regularly denied. The war on terror justifies murder, and the war on "all things gay" disregards love. Don't we have it all wrong?

I'll continue to try to understand. I know something has to be done about terrorism, so perhaps I'm not as turned off by the U.S. strategy as I am our reaction to it. It has become a game. The cheers that I heard from The View's audience yesterday were the same cheers I heard last night during the Mavericks' game. Perhaps what we need is a "war referee" that calls fouls and awards free throws to the side that most often gets the shaft. At the very least, I think we could all use a time out.

It takes a long time to put a book on a shelf

I finished going over the edits of my book today. At last, it's ready for the final proof. Whew! I knew this day would come eventually, but it's been a long time in the making.

I started writing this book in March of 2002 and finished it and got an agent in May of 2004. The long road since then has had to do with publishing. That's it. A long, grueling process. But as God was leading me through the writing process from 02 to 04 I remember feeling a grand assurance that the publishing would fall into line eventually. It wouldn't be easy, but then nothing worthwhile ever is. So I kept going.

I told my friend Nicole today as we were sitting in Starbucks, that I really feel like I've let my peeps down with this lengthy delay. I don't want to be one of those people who talks about doing something and never follows through, and I fear that the delay in publishing can be viewed as my failure. Nicole said not to worry. Imagine that. I've overanalyzed.

Before this goes any further I must give mad props to Ana Leger for the careful editing. After going over her edits for the past ten days, I've realized that I am a semi-colon disaster waiting to happen. I must have been reading Jane Eyre while I was writing this book. I vow right here and now to stop the semi-colon madness, and to make better use of good old fashioned commas. ,,,,,,,, Much better.

As I was going over Ana's edits I ended up adding to them. She took care of the grammar, and I hacked at the rest. The finished book started out at 319 pages. Before I gave it to Ana I had whacked it down to 301. Now it's down to 289. I just have no more tolerance for my own fluff. If I'm not making a point succinctly or if I'm repeating something I've already said, it's getting axed. I summed up a couple of half pages in one sentence this week. I don't know whether to be frustrated with the long-windedness of the past or pleased with the growth. Pleased I guess, because God obvoiusly wanted me to get to this point. Now things are falling into place.

I hope to put a presale link on my website around the first of July. If all stays on schedule, the book will probably be out in mid-August.

The book begins at the moment I realized I needed to reconcile faith and sexuality. It chronicles the struggle that led up to that point and the additional struggle that followed. At one point I thought God might strike me with lightning if I had one more gay thought. I went from that, to profoundly experiencing God through my gay relationship, and knowing that God embraces me fully as a lesbian. The fudamentalists who think that's nonsense are powerless to stop it. As Nicole said while we were having coffee today, "God is so cool." Indeed.

Good Ole Alabama Homophobia

Check out this conversation between my friend Sara and a guy named John who sought her out on myspace just to rant. He sent a similar message to me, but I didn't write back. Sara handled the situation with a lot of patience and grace. Awesome!

His original message is at the bottom.

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: John
Date: Jun 1, 2006 1:08 PM

OK, so I don't know where I expect this to lead...I am not even sure why I feel compelled to respond to you. First of all, you are welcome to speak your opinion, but please do not attempt to speak for all people. I am an American too and I don't hate gay people. My parents are both staunch Bush supporters and thanks to life experience and education, they don't hate gay people. As far as looking down upon lesbians more than those who have children out of wedlock, I didn't realize that God's grace was limited and reserved for lesser sinners. We are all sinners and to what degree, God doesn't care. What does matter is that you acknowledge your sin and ask for forgiveness. There is no need to compare your sin to that of another by deciding who's sin is worse. I don't expect that I will change your mind regarding homosexuals, but if I can make you consider the root of your anger and hatefulness, even for one second, then I have done something good. Each of us has a personal relationship with the Lord that others may or may not ever understand. One thing I do know though...God is filled with love, not hate. I pray that someday you will find it in your heart to choose to love those that you may not understand before jumping directly to hate.

Sara

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: John
Date: May 30, 2006 3:23 PM

America hates Gay people. You live in Texas as your profile says...That's a red state filled with many conserative thinking people, like me. Conservative Republicans don't like lesbians or other people who choose to throw out the bible's belief that homosexuality is a sin. We Republicans believe that homosexuality DESTROYS moral values for our children here in America. That's why we hate Democrats like John Kerry who believe in stupid gay marriage. What an asshole he is! Oh, and by the way...Christians look down more on you than me. A young man with a son looks a lot better and healthier than a lesbian. I pray you people change your ways. For my children, for your children, for America's future, change your ways. America is a lot safer when homosexuals are not destroying our values and FREEDOM.

20Something 5-31-06

Last night's 20something lesson on The Da Vinci Code has been posted. You can fetch it by clicking on this blog title.

Angela has taken over the 20something leadership role that I had to vacate when I accepted the new job at Mix 102.9. She's loving it. When we do have some free time together it's nice to talk about the studies and generate ideas for new ones. So I guess I'm still phantom-involved.

We both enjoyed both The Da Vinci Code book and the movie. Even though it's fiction, it asks some tough questions. We both thrive on things that challenge our faith and force us to grow. As always, I'm interested in knowing your thoughts.