Grateful

I haven't been using this space much lately because I've been busy with the holidays, but I have to pop in today to give God some glory. God is just the coolest.

I came out on the radio a few years ago, and the book and website followed. I knew that God could use me to shine some light in the gay community, so everything I do is with that in mind. But it's a tad scary at times. I've received my share of negative backlash, and I just never know what exactly will come back to me. Well yesterday, a great thing happened.

The company that owns my radio station just recognized 50 web pages nationwide that exhibit the most effective ways of involving listeners, and my Mix 102.9 page was one of them. It was an exciting day! My company has hundreds of great personalities who do a great job of using the internet, so to be included in such a small group is just amazing.

The great thing is, Angela's picture is on my personality page and I speak openly of our relationship in the blog that is part of that page. There is even a link on that page to my wild and crazy, gay Christian website (ha!). Even though I'm fearful at times about putting myself out there, God continues to find ways to embrace me. The fact that the company I work for is accepting, supportive, and rewarding is incredibly inspiring.

Good is so much more powerful than bad. Each time I get an email that questions my validity as a gay Christian and attempts to condemn me (the most recent one came last Thursday), I am simply reminded that I am indeed on the right path. God consistently finds ways to remind me that I am loved and accepted as I am, without hesitation and without fear. A fundamentalist would say that the recognition I received this week at work is nothing more than a fallen world's acceptance of my sin, but I know differently. These are real, thinking people who have found the compassion to accept me, and even to reward me for being who I am. They are secure enough in their own faith--whatever that faith may be--to believe me when I tell them the truth. And in return, I believe them.

There is an infinite amount of strength in unity. And for that I am grateful.

What I've learned in 2006

I told my mom in an email this week, that I've really felt a shift in my priorities this year. Perhaps it's not as much a shift as it is simply a discovery of greater meaning.

I've always known that God is going to use my life to spread more truth and love in the world. But in order to have enough momentum to clear the numerous humps along the way, God decided to shoot me out of a cannon! That insatiable drive and ambition is constantly churning, and it makes it awfully difficult to stop and smell the roses. But I'm slowly but surely learning to enjoy the "being" more than the "doing." Perhaps this cannon ball is slowing down. Okay, I'm not slowing down. Who am I kidding. It's just my perspective that is changing.

When we're on a mission, it's hard not to focus solely on that mission. But the satisfaction comes not from the mission itself, but from God's presence in the mission. That is constant and eternal, and it doesn't increase or decrease as we draw nearer to reaching our goals. It simply is. And therein lies the joy. This year I have realized the profound meaning in that.

So my priorities have shifted from career and extra-curricluar ambitions, to home and family. I've always loved my family and felt close to them, but I've always been consumed by thoughts of "doing." I don't want to let God down after all. But again, the joy is in the love of God in present moment, and not at the finish line. I think God puts family around us to constantly remind us of that.

I also noticed this year that God has become so infused with every part of my life, that God is not really a priority anymore. Before you think I've lost my mind, let me explain. It's funny really. My priority used to be to seek God. Everything I have done in my life has been rooted in that action. But now, God is so present in my life and has done so many things to show me how much I am loved and needed, that all I have to do to find God is to wake up in the morning and start breathing. I'm certain that God is there for each of us in this way, but it takes some spiritual maturity to really know it and own it. So in effect, God is not a priority anymore. Just as my eye color, my hair color, and my right-handedness are not priorities. They are just part of me and I wake up every day and take them with me as I go about my business. In the same way, God is here.

I wonder what will transpire in 2007. The foundation has been laid, and I am a willing servant. As far as I can tell, the sky is the limit. And now I'll be able to fully enjoy the journey.

What is faith?

A friend of mine last week mentioned this truth:

"Faith is not knowing that God can. Faith is believing that God will."

When you put it like that, my faith feels very very small. I often hope God will, but do I really wholeheartedly believe it? I'm glad that doubt is part of faith, because I sure do have a lot of that.

What about those times when our intentions are good, the things that we want are rooted in goodness, and yet God doesn't? We've all experienced disaapointment to varying degrees, and I suppose these times aren't so much unanswered prayers as they are reminders that we have to have patience. I'm feeling this in every nook and cranny in my life right now.

I suppose we just need to look at the history of God in our own lives and God in the world, to know that indeed God will. God has set our lives on certain paths, and as we continue to seek we will not be abandoned. God is good, and God will. I hope I can grasp that more fully this week.

The top of the tree...only the best

During the last year of her life, my grandmother made the angel that sits on the top of our Christmas tree. She glued it together as part of an activity class at the nursing home where she lived at the time, and it has been a special part of our Christmases ever since.

I've been thinking about my late grandparents a lot lately, and I'm not sure why. Maybe it's the time of year. Maybe they have come back to tell me something important and the message hasn't quite filtered through yet. I'll get it you guys; keep trying. :-) Or perhaps I just miss them. My grandma passed away over five years ago, and my grandpa has been gone for fourteen years. Still, they haven't left me. They were sweet, generous, and hilarious, and I can only hope to become half of what they were.

Okay, I'm in tears now and I didn't expect to be. Those two still have the ability to move me. I need to shift my thoughts to our Christmases at their house and the tears will change to laughter. At about 6pm every Christmas Eve, my grandpa would disappear. A few minutes later the doorbell would ring and all of the grandkids would run to the door as fast as we could to see who was there. There was never anyone there, but we would always find candy canes filled with red and green M&Ms from Santa hanging near the light fixture. A few minutes later, Grandpa would mosey back into the house and ask if he had missed anything. The thought of that moment still makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside. We loved this tradition so much, it continued well into high school.

So...the holidays are all about family, and I'll continue to reflect upon what my grandparents meant to me. The top of the tree holds the perfect reminder.

Procreation

This anonymous comment was left a couple of days ago: "...How do you reconile homosexuality with procreating? Neither two men, nor two women are capable of precoreating. Yet, is this not what God intended for relationships/building families?"

I think God does intend for men and women to procreate, but I don't think that is the only way that God expects humans to come together. Once again, I believe there is more to the story.

What happens when heterosexuals fail their own children? Sometimes it's the gay couples who are the most eager to become involved with foster care, adoption, and so on. In those instances, God might be using gay couples to meet the needs of abandoned children.

Gay men and lesbians are not barren and are capable of having children, and often do. But this process takes awhile since we have to go to such great lengths. Our actions must be deliberate, and with gay couples there are no "accidents." Perhaps God uses this cross section of humanity to help slow booming population growth.

I don't think God's purposes for men and women are tied solely to procreating. I do believe that in Old Testament times humans were highly focused on procreation and some of that rigidity has carried over into modern times, but that doesn't necessarily mean that God holds the same rigidity.

Folks have argued that since men and women seem to physically "fit together," this is the only acceptable way for humans to physically be together. Well, a small economical car would probably fit the best in all of our garages, but we buy the big SUV's anyway. We gravitate toward what feels the most natural to us, and one choice is not necessarily more correct than another. And something that feels natural to one person cannot be deemed "unnatural" by an outsider. Truth doesn't come from the outside. It comes from within. It is our own, and it stays between us and God. Obviously, a gay person must go to great lengths to reconile things with God and it's not as easy as it is to go to the car lot and buy an SUV, but those of us who have reconciled things with God have found profound meaning in the process. The truth doesn't always look perfect, but that doesn't mean there is something wrong with living it.

There can be many purposes for the things that God has blessed us with and many methods with which to achieve them and I don't think one is necessarily more noble than the other. Everyone has an opinion about what might be best for everyone else. It boils down to individual faith, and the way in which God works in our lives on a personal level. Besides, I don't think straight Christian men and women use sexual intimacy only for procreation. Sexual intimacy produces more than one result, and to try to cage it is fruitless.

Sexual intimacy should be treasured and respected, but not so narrowly defined that its meaning applies only to a select few. That is certainly not what God intended.

Outsmart Magazine article

Click on the blog title for a new magazine article...

Outsmart Magazine is based in Houston and they were kind enough to do a piece on my book for their December issue.

Tim Brookover is semi-involved in the Dallas gay community as well. He's been working with the Resource Center to start a Gay Bingo type of thing in Houston. We all gotta stick together!

Have a great weekend.